Mother.Son

MIA

2006-06-23T08:58:00.000+10:00

Hi guys, sorry for not posting earlier. I'm sure you're looking forward to seeing pics from the party. Unfortunately Cameron's contracted a gastro viral infection and has been having raging fevers for the last couple of days. His appetite is quite poor and he threw up the other night when I tried to feed him some panadol to curb the fever. Pray all will be okay soon.

x

Ducky Cake!

2006-06-16T02:03:00.000+10:00

I had to do a test cake for the Rubber Ducky... and it worked! Hey Presto!

Once the icing goes on it'll look like a million bucks........ I was so worried when I did the cake mixture and it was so dry it looked more like cookie dough than cake mix... but once i added the whipped egg whites it began to look more like it and it was a perfect recipe to follow.

WEEEE... on to more exciting things tomorrow... I've put up posters of Cameron throughout his first year on most of my walls...

Will have to take more pics on the day and show u guys... till then!

Balloons!

2006-06-15T11:25:00.000+10:00

Okay the balloons came a little late but there were all these unprecedented public holidays which delayed shipping. I had them sent from the States off Ebay as with all the rest of the rubber duckie stuff... and the chick i bought them off from was a super Ebayer.. i bought 4 and found 6 in the pack. Thanks Tricia Edwards!

I'm going to pick up the helium tank so that they'll be floating on the street.. So EXCITING! I'm really getting in frenzy mode now... I've done plenty of things in advance... except my first attempt at folding samosas was a complete disaster.. i blame the spring roll pastry... So I'm going to try to do something different. I hope it all works out.. cross my fingers.

It's Cameron's FIRST birthday tomorrow.. and I can't believe how super clever he is. Surprises me everyday. WWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

can't hardly contain my excitement.

Party fever

2006-06-11T18:49:00.000+10:00

Cameron's birthday party is on Saturday and invitations have been sent out... and everyone's dressing up a rubber duckie to bring to the party. I'm excited. I made fairy god-ducky for mine... It's not finished yet but I hope to post a pic soon.. as well as pics of all the other creative ducks that are going to be guests.

Been drawing up a menu keeping in mind my dear guests religious needs, so we're having a few appetizers and an East meets West type of lunch. I'm making my beef rendang because I love it... but I think I have to do a mild version and a spicier version because some of my guests may not be accustomed to the chilli.

So far the menu looks like this:

Appetizers:

Vegetarian Spring Rolls
Samosas
Cocktail Meatballs
Fresh crusty bread with Apple Tomato Chutney

Mains:

Indonesian Beef Rendang
Roasted Lamb with Garlic and Rosemary
Baked Honey Dijon Chicken

Sides:

Rice
Pasta Salad
Potato Salad

Dessert:

Rubber Duckie Birthday Cake
Caramel Flan
Rocky Road
Raspberry Trifle

The rubber duckie stuff came in time and I've got rubber duckie plates that say "Happy 1st Birthday" as well as cups and napkins. Here's a pic:

The rubber ducky cake pan with ducky candles and ducky gift bags arrived as well. The cake pan from Wilton is a stand up 3d rubber ducky and there's going to be a great deal of piping involved for me to get it to look like the pics below... time to whip up some buttercream icing!

Still waiting for the balloons to come.. and helium is a headache .. I had no idea it was so expensive. Ah well... for my son I suppose I have to do it.

Doing everything in advanced at the moment... the spring rolls have been made and frozen, the samosas and meatballs tomorrow, whip up some buttercream by Friday and I can put most things together on Friday night and Saturday morning...

Got to organize the games too! Ish.

It's gonna be a hell of a week and I'm still hungover from the weekend. Doesn't look healthy.

Will post more soon.

xoxoxo

Welcome to winter

2006-06-03T11:18:00.000+10:00

We're now coming into winter months and the chill is here early... it was -2 in Ipswich a couple of days ago before we were officially into Winter...

Christopher's been into lots of winter food at the moment.. and that's definitely going to pack on some pounds... we've been having lots of stews and mash and all those comfort food....

Dad and Mum put up a swing from their rafters at their place for Cameron and he loves just sitting in it... I think he enjoys justs chillin' outside while the wind blows through his hair... here's a couple of pics..

Danny also bought him a little push cart and when he's not pushing it... he prefers sitting in it while we push him around... more pics in Dad and Mum's backyard..

It's 2 weeks to his first birthday party and the plates and the cups and the napkins and the ducky balloons and the ducky cake pan and the ducky candles and the ducky gift bags have all been ordered...

hope to see you there

Happy 21st Lauren!

2006-05-29T10:56:00.000+10:00

On Saturday it was Lauren's 21st birthday.... in case some of you don't know who she is ... she's my bro-in-law danny's girlfriend of six years...

Here's a pic of the birthday girl

She lives out at Laidley... which is a bit further than the Mulgowie public hall that I posted about. It's really cold out there especially now.. the other night the mercury dropped to about -2 degrees c... so i thought that Cameron should be dressing extra warm..

Dad bought a new beanie for Cameron with sesame street prints.. it's so cute and soft and woolly...

It was a quiet family thing so it was nice to just relax... nothing much out of the ordinary happened so i think i'll let the pics speak themselves... oh and another thing... Lauren has a mad obsession with eeyore... and she had her cake made to have eeyore on it!

It was a good ol time and Cameron had plenty of fun and dirty diapers!

Birthday Invitations

2006-05-28T16:58:00.000+10:00

So the duckie party is on it's way.. and the invites have been sent out... you can see the online e-card invite by clicking the link below:

Cameron's First Birthday Invite

The bad news for me is that I have to buy all the duckie themed stuff from the States...so I have a 3d Wilton rubber duckie pan on its way and duckie candles andduckie favour bags... and stuff like that...

I have to order the plates and cups and napkins online and then i have 3 29" duckie balloons coming too... it's fun... i'm looking forward to it..

tell you more soon.

Satay Night

2006-05-26T16:31:00.000+10:00

Last night Farhani came over and we had satay... not as good as Satay club but close enough hahaha...

I thought I post a recipe here for those of you away from home and want Singapore style beef satay.

Beef Satay Marinade:
5 dried chillies (cut up in little pieces and try to remove as much seeds. Boil till soft. Beware strong choking sensation from breathing in boiling fumes HAHAHA)

4 Shallots (shallots are super friggin expensive here so I just use spanish onions (the purple coloured ones) and just use 2)

2 stalks lemongrass (use one stalk for marinade, the other for brushing on satay when grilling. Chop up the lemongrass thinly from the end and use only the white bits... the top part might get too woody for cooking)

1 tsp shredded ginger

1 tsp shredded lengkuas (galangal) (can find in asian supermarkets.. usually dried... soak it as best as possible and cross ur fingers your blender will not burn out trying to blend it, cos i dun shred it i just put the whole dried piece in there and let my blender do it)

1/2 tsp cumin seeds ( can use cumin powder... easier to find if not soak it then blend)

1 tbsp coriander seeds (NOT LEAVES PLEASE. same deal powder is better. if not soak the seeds before blending.)

2 cloves garlic

2 tbsp sugar

1/4 tsp turmeric powder (watch out for staining)

1 heaped tsp tamarind pulp (put the tamarind in a bowl add a bit of water and mash it till u can remove the seeds..)

2 tsp salt

METHOD:

Take a blender. Plug it in. Please don't buy some crap blender. It will insult this marinade recipe. Put in the blender the softened dry chillies, shallots, chopped lemongrass bottoms, ginger, galangal, cumin, coriander, garlic, sugar, turmeric, tamarind water and pulp, salt and blend like mad. Once you don't feel the blender jumping then you know it's blended fine and that hard galangal u bought didn't kill the blender and you got a good brand.

Beef preparation:
Buy tender beef from your butcher or grocery store and slice it so that you get thin elongated pieces about 3 cm long and 1cm or less wide.
Add the beef to this marinade. half a kilo will make about 30 sticks.

Let it marinade for at least 4 hours or best over night. If you don't have patience to wait you shouldn't be cooking at all. While the beef is marinating soak the bamboo skewers in water so that it doesn't burn when u grill it.

(4 hours later or overnight)

Skewer the beef onto the bamboo skewers taking care not to poke your fingers. I tried finger satay.. doesn't taste as good. Make sure that the beef is not hanging off the stick... and the stick should be seen. Might I add that Farhani is the WORST satay skewerer i ever met and you probably cannot do worst than that.

Get the grill or barbecue ready and hot. In a bowl put 3 tbsp oil and 1 tbsp sugar and the other lemongrass stick that you had use it as a brush, dipping it into the oil-sugar mixture and onto the grilling satay. They cook relatively fast.. about 3 minutes on each side... don't over cook it or it will dry out.

Serve it with cubed spanish onions, sliced cucumber and lontong cakes. You know I cheat and use instant Adabi brand lontong cakes. If not you can just make rice i suppose. Not the same. And no I don't have the time to post a recipe on lontong .. you can do that yourself.

Satay sauce... too lazy to make it and it's easy to find everywhere. White people think satay is peanut sauce so take your pick. It took me a long time to convince Christopher what satay was and it's NOT PEANUT SAUCE. GET IT RIGHT. PEANUT SAUCE IS PEANUT SAUCE. SATAY IS SATAY.

Hope you enjoy making this... it's worth the work.

Here's some pics:

And here's some pics of Cameron being Cameron:

It's that time of the year again!!

2006-05-24T21:09:00.000+10:00

Hi,

Me again. It was really cold this morning and I really didn't want to get out of bed... it was nice and warm cuddled up next to Cameron... and he was in the cutest pj rompers... u know the one with the feet all in the suit... i love him in those... reminds of that time he was really little and i dressed him in one everyday pretty much...

It's winter again... before I know it he'll be ONE in a couple of days... My original plan was for us to take him away and have a little getaway for his birthday but my mother in law had to ~~demand~~ insist that we have a party for him... at her house no less... and I don't want that AT ALL... this is just like last Christmas where everyone had a party at their place except mine when it's Cameron's first christmas...so just as I rebelled last Christmas.. to keep the peace I decided to have it at my place...

I really don't want a party... I'm no longer a party type of person... especially when it comes to just family... I really don't see the point... I don't want a big party and go all out and yet at the same time I don't want a party with just the family cos then it wouldn't be any different from any other friggin weekend.

I like dinner parties where I can showcase my culinary skills on those very expensive designer plates I have in my display cabinet... They are usually lovely classy dinners where people look nice... there are candles and wine and lovely conversation. And intimate.

As opposed to the family talking in different friggin languages that I don't understand...asian discriminatory jokes made in jest... someone screaming at someone else and some 3 year old brat pushing lil Cameron around. I see these people all the bloody time...

I don't know what I want I suppose... i just want a more civilized type of party... but then it's Cameron's first i don't want people to go around with a spoon up their butts.

i have no idea what to cook and what i shouldn't cook.

But i think i've decided on the theme.... RUBBER DUCKIE!!!

Have a rubber duckie cake.... with rubber duckie candles... and rubber duckie printed favour bags...

rubber duckie balloons and rubber duckie plates and rubber duckie cups... HAHAHAHAA

And have a punch bowl with rubber duckies floating in it..

I don't know who's more crazy about rubber duckies .. me or Cam.

He loves it when i sing the Ernie rubber duckie song in the bath and he tries to dance to it while keeping his balance...

Will let y'all know how it pans out....

WHO WANTS TO COME??

MA

2006-05-23T20:34:00.000+10:00

He finally said it.

After months of Da Da-ing and me trying to tell him MA.. he finally said it. He can now say Ma and Da! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHA... so happy.

He's flying everywhere now... thinks he can run so he just walks as fast as he can until he falls flat on his face then just gets up again. And he waves everyone bye and walks out to the door.

he's so cute now he just fell asleep beside me... and i got a new webcam for msn! but i look like crap half the time so... when i decline it just means that i dun want u to see me in my pjs.

i'm hungry again. gotta raid the fridge. maybe i'll find a carrot stick.

last sunday i took my mum and dad in law to superbowl in chinatown and we had the best meal... i think they were so overwhelmed by the menu that they just let me order... so we had deep fried flounder in chilli salt and pepper... oyster sauce kai lan... shan dong crispy chicken and sizzling hot plate beef... yummerooosss....

all topped off with a deep fried ice cream... so i'm now on a diet to get rid of it all..

they just put up a new playground at the park near my place so when it's not that cold outside i take cameron there in the afternoons and just have a go on the swings and slide... he loves the slide best ... giggles all the way down...

last saturday i went to a really good baby shower for Aseteria.. but i'm waiting for photos from her before i post about it.... it was really well thought out...

sorry it's all over the place... will post soon... i'm making satay on thursday so maybe i'll get a couple of photos from it..

take care. till then.

Mulgowie and the middle of nowhere

2006-05-11T15:09:00.000+10:00

So anyways I'm sorry about not posting for so long... have had a couple of personal things on my mind.. too personal even for this blog to rant and rave about.. mainly because it concerns the identity of someone else.

I have plenty of stories to tell and if Cameron would get out of my hair I would be able to put them on print.

The map above shows the town of Mulgowie, south west of Laidley. Circled in red is Walloon.. the suburb where my in-laws live. They live about 15 mins away from Ipswich City. Ipswich City is about half and hour's drive from my place. My place is 15 mins from Brisbane city.

So essentially to drive to mum and dad's place from Brisbane city is 15 mins + 30 mins + 15 mins = an hour.

Mulgowie is another 40 minutes away from mum and dad's place driving through the country roads. I don't think I've been that far inland here before... except that time I went to Toowoomba and that's 2 hours from Brisbane city.. but that's another story.

So we got in the car from Walloon, dad, mum, me and Cameron and Danny was driving. I had to sit in the back cos Danny and Dad were in front .. and I get the worst car sickness when I'm in the back... ESPECIALLY on a country road. I tried my best not to look out the car window.

45 minutes later we pulled into the pub of Mulgowie where Lauren (Danny's girlfriend) works sometimes apart from running a tax agent office.. and it was freezing cold.

I forgot to tell you that we were there for trivia night. We had dinner at the pub and while we were ordering someone thought it was polite to tell me that there was a snake curled up in the roof for warmth just above where I was standing.

I was like super freaked out by this snake but even more freaked out that no one gave a crap about the snake. In fact the snake had a name. "It's either Hector or Iris" someone said. You mean there's more? And you name them??!!

This wasn't a small snake. This was a carpet snake that had a the thickness of a CD. Yes go pick one up right now and imagine the thickness of the snake. I didn't want to find out how long it was. And so I found out that everyone's got one here on their farm... to keep out mice and other rodents and they grow up to 20 feet. Gross.

You can tell I'm a city girl.

After a double bourbon I got more of my nerves back and managed to enjoy dinner with thinking about what was above me. We then moved on to the public hall across the bridge.. a nice 5 minute stroll in 8 degrees outside. Brrrr........

The whole town must have turned up to this trivia night there were close to 200 people there. I only realised then that the community is so close.. everyone knows everyone else.. and when there's a town event .. everyone comes in for a bit of socializing and fundraising.

It was 10 bucks a person to be in the trivia and we had to have 8 people in our team. So it was Dad, Mum, Danny, Lauren, Lauren's Mum, Lauren's sister Amanda and her boyfriend Leigh. and me and Cameron of course.

Leigh was wearing this multi coloured jumper of blue and oranges and reds and basically it's a one of a kind of jumper... and we ended up naming our team "Leigh and the multicolour dreamcoat."

We won the first round of questions and won a money box. Then I had to play charades after much protesting and Lauren guessed 7.. so it wasn't too bad. Cameron thought I looked funny doing all my actions.

We won the third round and got a torchlight.

Then they had a rum toss... where they put a bottle of Bundy Rum and got either a dollar or two dollar coins as close to the bottle as possible and you won it. Since it was for fund raising the whole hall had a bit of a go.

But we were the overall winners that night for the trivia and we got...

A BOX OF VEGETABLES!

Yes... fresh from the Mulgowie area... pumpkin, silverbeet, onions, eschallots, butter beans, green beans, Granny smith apples, corn... you get the idea.

That was an interesting prize. Christopher had a look of amazement when I came home with the veges.

My first experience in a country town, in a country public hall, with country folk and trivia night.

Of course it ended with me being sick in the car on the way home and I had to switch with Mum when Dad pulled over in the middle of nowhere.

2006-05-03T10:16:00.000+10:00

So in keeping with the Asian food theme I made Char Kway Teow...only thing missing was the cockles... which are non existent in Brisbane of course. Turned out pretty good but of course you can't beat those that come from the kopitiam. I'm looking forward to going home soon. I need to get a couple things of my chest so this might be a kinda long post.

So I told you guys that I only bought a one way ticket to Singapore and that it would be cheaper if I bought the return one way ticket from Singapore itself. When I told this to Christopher's mum she was like freaking out thinking that I won't be bringing her grandchild back or something and said something threatening like "if you don't come back I'll fly down there and get him back myself."

WHAT THE FUCK? I mean it didn't bother me that day but the more I thought about it the more irritated I became. I mean who is she to govern my life and my son's life. I feel like prolonging my trip just to rub it in her face.

I mean she's annoying when she says stuff like that. I think I should just let that go and not hold petty grudges but I've had run-ins with her before and it's all about being the alpha female and I don't think she appreciates that I'm taking over her territory and blah blah blah. That's right girls. Never marry a first born. (Especially one coddled by his mother and never grew out of it)

On another subject.. Singapore's General Elections! So I checked my name on the electoral roll and they expecting me to turn up at the Pasir Ris voting booth on the 6th of May. There's only one problem... do I look like I'm in Pasir Ris!??

So I checked the website to see what will happen if I'm overseas..and the website stated that I had to register in person at the Singapore High Commission in Australia before the polls and then come back and vote on the 6th.

And because some idiot in the voting department is a complete ass and probably only gone to johore bahru before, failed to realise that the only place that I can vote is in Canberra where the High Comm is.

That's a 2 hour FLIGHT from Brisbane and costs about $300 AUD return on a budget airline. To put it in perspective like flying from Singapore to Bangkok to register, come back and fly again on the 6th to vote.

I hope I can claim from the Singapore government this money because once I make that trip there goes the progress package money!

So I decided not to vote and face the consequences of:

1. Being struck off the electoral roll and not being allowed to vote again.

2. Can't ever be a candidate in the elections.

3. Can't ever be a guarantor or assesor to a candidate in the elections.

Woo. Scareeeee. Like I'm ever going to do that in the next oh million years. Dad wants me to reinstate my name on the electoral roll when I come back but we'll see.

I mean we do still have the same government since we gained independence so I don't really see the point. Yay. Vote Opposition. Like that's ever gonna happen.

Soto

2006-04-23T17:41:00.000+10:00

Yesterday I made soto after that gnawing at my tastebuds for melayu food just didn't want to quit. When Mummy came to visit in January I made sure she brought this instant ketupat. It has to be the best thing since sliced bread.

Basically the Adabi brand ketupat has the rice in a heat resistant bag with holes and you just drop the whole lot into a pot of water and it poof it automatically puffs up and you can just cut it up. Great for lontong, soto, and satay ketupat of course.

Made the soto with that yumeroo chilli condiment and potato cutlets.

Farhani and Josie came over to have soto and we sat down and Christopher hadn't tried nor even heard of soto before.

ME: So try it hun. (eyebrows raised)

Orang Utan: Hmm... (takes a bite)

ME: So how is it?

Orang Utan: (chewing and putting on the 'let-me-think' look)

ME:Hmm??

Orang Utan: Smells like satay.

ME: They're the same sorta spices as the satay marinade.

Orang Utan: (takes another bite)

ME: Have the potato cutlet.

Orang Utan: It's like a cross between erm... pea soup and satay.

ME, Farhani, Josie: (silence in bewilderment)

ME: So you don't like it?

Orang Utan: Mmm.. it's just not my kinda thing. Besides I'm full from eating that whole bag of chips before.

ME: That's what happens.. you've spoilt your dinner.

Orang Utan: I like the potato cutlets... and the chicken's nice..look I'm eating them.. (takes a bite of the potato cutlet)

ME: (can't talk... enjoying soto)

Orang Utan: Okay. I'm full.

And his bowl is still topped with everything.

So according to the Christopher dictionary of Asian food:

Soto (Noun) Pronunciation Key: (soh-toe)

Asian dish consisting of rice cubes and chicken in soup. Consistency and colour of soup looks pea soup but smells like satay. Only liked potato cutlets. Remind wife not to cook for me again.

A mother's proud moment

2006-04-21T20:31:00.000+10:00

Today my little boy walked on his own.

I was so immensely proud of him. The feeling that I got from his taking those steps were almost the same as when I taught him how to climb the stairs and he did it in 2 days or when he figured out how to work the peek-a-block Incrediblock faster than I did. Almost.

Then I realised that this was the proudest I had ever been. He was wonderful. IS.

I asked myself when he was just born.. and I was sitting in the hospital bed about what he would be like in a couple of months.

He started crawling at 4 months. Then up the stairs at 5 months. Then standing up and walking along the couch. Then standing up all on his own. Then walking holding my hand. Then leaping towards me. Then today... from the couch to check out the rewinding video tape.

At first I thought he wouldn't. For the last couple of days he would sorta inch out a foot, then figure it was too hard and start crawling to his destination.

Then he inched out another foot... and before I knew it he was on his way to the video player to investigate the whirring coming out of it.

After I let myself gape in amazement I ran up the stairs to his sleeping father and all I could shriek was 'HE WALKED! HE WALKED!!".

I don't think Christopher quite understand the fuss I was making... until he saw it for himself when Cameron walked again this afternoon.

10 months and 5 days old. Well done my son. I'm lucky to have you.

Liar Liar I'll set your pants on fire

2006-04-20T12:36:00.000+10:00

Why do you have to lie about everything? You know that no one can trust you anymore.. so why do continually cheat and deceitfully lie about everything you do?

I KNOW you didn't put that money in my account. If you didn't that's fine. But why did you have to tell Mum that you did?

If that's how you want it, then fine. I want every single cent that I lent you back. Right now.

I don't care how you do it. But I want it. I call and you don't want to pick up so I'm announcing it right here.

I have records of all the money that I lent you and all the ones that Mummy gave on your behalf. You owe that to your own mother.

1st of November 2005 = 3079 SGD or 2530 AUD was deposited to save your unworthy ass. I should have let you rot.

Pay this amount by the end of the month. Whatever Mummy has given me I will return back to her personally.

You're a rude piece of shite.

I should be a ...

2006-04-19T01:17:00.000+10:00

So everyone's doing the goddamn test I thought I give it a shot. I scored evenly on linguistics and journalism. Funny how they didn't have law or anything.. cos that was my dual degree.

Bachelor of Laws and Creative Industries majoring in media studies.

I hated the journalism course by the way because it was really hard. Ah well.

You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist and you should major in Journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing.

Linguistics

92%

Journalism

92%

English

83%

Theater

83%

Sociology

75%

Philosophy

75%

Dance

67%

Art

67%

Psychology

67%

Anthropology

50%

Biology

50%

Engineering

50%

Mathematics

42%

Chemistry

What is your Perfect Major?
created with QuizFarm.com

Typing words

2006-04-17T02:17:00.000+10:00

Nothing to report at the moment. I find myself at a calm in my relationship but still wondering and looking behind my shoulder to see when that storm is going to rear it's ugly head again.

I know that there are plenty more years ahead for us. I just can't get over myself and all this insecurity.

I thought about my past relationships the other day and realised how much impact they have had on me, my relationship with Christopher and even my marriage.

Like that time, XXXXXX (name protected because he was a right bastard anyway and I don't want it to taint my blog) and me were together for a year and half in what we called an 'open relationship' and then introduced me to his girlfriend. In public no less, with all of his friends.

Or that time when XXXXX broke up with his girlfriend, went out with me, only to cheat on me with her. What an asswipe.

And in this circumstance it happened right under my nose and I probably ameliorated the issue by having the whole "I am secure and incapable of jealousy" attitude. In fact I asked if he wanted to go back to her and we could have a trial separation. I was the asswipe.

Does this mean that the whole "I'm liberating my man" stance doesn't work? Because I tried it before and everytime I gave a man an inch, he didn't just take a mile, He RAN with it. Bastards. Bastards. Bastards.

And now I'm not letting Christopher do it. And he calls me possessive. What the hell.

You just can't win can't you.

Happy Birthday to David. Happy Birthday to Me. Happy Birthday to You.

2006-04-06T23:06:00.000+10:00

Thanks for all the congratulatory wishes for my birthday. Wish it was happier than it was. Some of you I have told about what is going on and some of you have just faithfully told me to hang on without any background info on what is taking place.

I thank you for your support. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart. Lets me know that people still care when you're so far down in the dumps it would take 2 cranes to start pulling you out.

Been fighting with him since my last post and things have sort of settled at the moment. I've likened it to the eye of a storm where there is an almost eerie calm. You get to come outside and assess the damage and brace yourself for the storm to reverse and come back your way. The question however is time.

I am that storm. Right now I don't know when I will unleash the rest of the fury I've been letting go of. I didn't know I could get so.... angry. Such an angry angry person. I shouldn't have kept it all locked away.

Isn't that what the goddamn blog is for?! To rant and rave and say stupid things that your head is thinking. Then I realised why I haven't. Because I was afraid to be judged. Yes. By the same people that I look to for support, at the same time I am afraid of your judging eyes.

That maybe you would think that I couldn't hold myself together. That maybe I wasn't strong enough. Not strong enough to have a family, a baby, a husband. That I was depressed.

Sometimes I think I am all the above.

Then I realise that it wasn't you that I was afraid of. It was me.

I was the one with those judging eyes. And nothing is good enough.

So here I am at 23 looking back at my life and I realised I haven't stopped to grieve for myself. For my mistakes. For my achievements. For my goals. I haven't stopped to feel any emotion. Because I thought I was a rock.

A rock that when you've chipped away and weathered under all seasons you will find has water flowing out of it. It just needed a squeeze. And just like that all my tears came out.

I finally understand that it is okay to cry.

So today I cry for my brother. Who was taken so early in his life. Whom I shared every single birthday with till I was 17. I didn't realise it then but being born on the same day with different years have been more a part of me then I ever gave credit for.

Happy 26th Birthday David. I know you're right here.

Today I cry for my marriage. Like trying to superglue a broken vase that I let sit out in the sun and the rain and the cold for years. I still can see the cracks but maybe if I try harder to look at the beauty of it I might understand and see why I have it in the first place.

Today I cry for my son. Because I never want him to see me cry when he's older. That tomorrow he will forget my tears and remember that the sun shines somehow and that laughter is part of life.

Yesterday I cried for me. Because. It didn't need any reasoning.

Tomorrow is going to be better.

Happy Engagement Anniversary

2006-03-29T02:06:00.000+10:00

Today is the anniversary of the first day he popped the question and asked me to marry him. While I sit here alone listening to the silent sleep of my son, he's out enjoying the company of other people in a club.

It's 2.06 am now and I've given him back his rings he gave to me. I've given up the fight.

There's no use telling him that he hasn't spend enough time with me or his son. No use telling him that I feel lonely that he doesn't talk to me or that it infuriates me when his first day off from work he goes out with his friends. I'm too upset to even say to him that I've repeated myself countless of times of all the above. There's no breath to keep my marriage alive.

I've done all I can and said all I can.

It's his move now. I'm finished with this bull shit.

Goblet of Fire

2006-03-27T01:39:00.000+10:00

Okay I have to admit it... I'm excited that it's coming out. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

As embarrassing as it may sound I watch the Harry Potter movies and enjoy them to say the least.

And I watched the Goblet of Fire at the cinema and I couldn't get over how 'dark' it was. It getting progressively darker. I have to see it again and pick up stuff I missed.

Am I the only one with a Harry Potter fascination hidden in my cupboard?

New blog for Charmaine

2006-03-25T23:14:00.000+10:00

So i've been bored the last couple of days and tried to keep me occupied .. and i set up a new blog for Charmaine.... it's extremely pink and girly... i thought of her immediately when the idea came to mind...

i was meant to do Grace's blog ages ago.. but i've been stuck. Been designing some ideas.. but they all don't fit the description of my perfect blog layout for her.

Sher wants one too.. in orange and red?! Never really worked with those colours before but I'll give it a try...

Click here if you like to see Charmaine's new blog.
Took me about a week to put it all together.. and i finished the buttons last night..

Tell me what you think.

Till next blog design.

you white man. me jane.

2006-03-16T00:03:00.000+10:00

Sometimes I think back to why ever did I marry Christopher. Yes being fully educated and more open than most asians.. and I am living in his country.. however sometimes it's really hard to comprehend the white man.

For example when we go to the Chinese restaurant.. In Singapore my family's normal table would consist of: fried rice, beef in oyster sauce and vegetables, sweet sour something and blah blah blah...
MY husband would go for the whitest most unadventurous thing on the menu, chicken and almonds. Not that I have anything against chicken and almonds.. It's such a white person thing to order.

Somewhere, over a period of time when the Asians started to migrate out of their country of origin, some smart ass sat down and went ooohh "white man no like our yum yum. we makea our food like their food!"

Therefore the birth of what I'd like to call the white man's chinese food. Available now in most supermarkets and asian restaurants in every anglo-saxon country.

Like the other day I went to Coles supermarket and happened to pass by a jar of "Nyonya flavour". Now can someone tell me what in God's name is Nyonya flavour?

From what I know (and I know because my family is Peranakan) Nyonya is a culture.. a race.

I'd like to see it's equivalent. Thai flavour. Chinese flavour. English favour.

If i made a bottle of English favour and showed it to a Brit I think they would have the same reaction as I did to Nyonya flavour.

And Singapore noodles. Well known. Except to Singaporeans. Can someone tell me what Singapore noodles are? I was born and raised in Singapore and never in my life heard of Singapore noodles until I came to Australia.

Is it the fortune cookie syndrome? A white man's invention then accredited to an Asian country?

What's spurred this on was today's dinner... I made my favourite "sambal terung" which is eggplant with that special sweet sambal. I relished every bit of it and Christopher took a sample and he couldn't down it.

Me:"What's wrong?"
WM: "It's fishy."
ME: *deadpans*
WM: "I can't eat it."
Me: "MY gawd.. you are such a white man."
WM: "Yes honey. I'm an orang utan"

yes. he even got "orang putih" (malay for 'white man') wrong. I'm not going to correct him. As far as I'm concerned he is an orang utan.

Which Hobbit Am I?

2006-03-14T22:23:00.000+10:00

You're Merry! Your interests include setting off fireworks, drinking pints, arguing with trees, and throwing rocks at orcs. You love to have a good time at parties and such!

Which hobbit are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

revamp episode 3

2006-03-12T18:06:00.000+10:00

so it's a new site again.. i just thought it needed a couple of adjustments cos there were too many things going on... it's a little cleaner.. so I'm happy. Got time to do it since my mother in law took Cameron away for the weekend and some. I miss him so much...

Yesterday he started to do the chicken dance on his own! He doesn't know how to flap his 'wings' yet but he stretches out his arms and flaps them and claps when you sing the chicken dance song! He's already becoming my entertainer with his little bag of tricks!

He's been doing the chicken dance since about 4 months.. watch it here (3.63mb)

Well I noticed that people just don't comment anymore.. so if you're reading just leave a comment!

till next time.

Pilates for Dummies.

2006-03-09T11:24:00.000+10:00

So I just started some pilates classes and I have to tell you it's friggin working! I woke up today with the sorest muscles and that's just from a 40 minute workout!.

I am feeling sore ab muscles that I didn't even know could feel sore. Goddamn!

Hopefully in 8 weeks I would have gotten rid of my not so flash post pregnancy flab. Only thing I gotta do now is watch my diet... hmmm.. that's gonna be tough.. I don't eat junk food.. but I don't think I'm eatng much healthier either.

My greatest fear is to be one that cannot enjoy food because I too busy thinking about goddamn calories and shit.

I love my food... but I love size 6 clothes better. I gotta make sure I'll be able to keep up with Cameron!

Maybe I can post before and afters. But what if I fail? Then my before and afters would be the same blasted photograph.

Maybe I can post weight numbers. Blah. Don't have a weighing scale except for the ones that's used to make those yummy frosted brownies..aaaaarrrrrggggggggg

FOCUS. back to pilates.

brisbane-darwin-singapore-phuket-singapore-darwin-brisbane

2006-03-08T01:27:00.000+10:00

Okay the trip is being planned and a spanner is thrown in with a sudden urge to go to Phuket because of free accomodation.

So far the airfares cost:

Brisbane to Darwin : $ 169.00 AUD (fare plus taxes)

Darwin to Singapore : $3.50 AUD (fare) + $18.00 AUD (infant fee) + $135.81 AUD (taxes) = $157.31 AUD

accommodation : free.

Singapore to Phuket : $3.00 SGD (fare) + $20.00 SGD (infant fee) + $47.25 SGD (taxes) = $70.25 SGD

accommodation : free.

Phuket to Singapore : $3.00 SGD (fare) + $20.00 SGD (infant fee) + $36.00 SGD (taxes) = $59.00 SGD

total cost for airfares to Phuket from Singapore: $129.25 SGD
total cost for one way airfares from Brisbane to Singapore : $326.31

this is looking good. savings equate to about 70% off normal international fares.

more money for me. hehehe.

oh and Cameron just started a new pout. I don't know where he got that from. But it's so annoyingly adorable when he throws a tantrum about something.

Gallery is finally up with weekly photos.

Enjoy. and see you in Singapore.

I'm coming back!

2006-03-06T23:07:00.000+10:00

Okay... I'm set to come back to Singapore in August... Cameron and I will fly to Darwin and then en route to Singapore on Tiger Airways for $3.00. Yes that's right you read right... THREE BUCKS.

They're having some sort of promo... $3 bucks for the airfare... $18.00 for infant fee and 135.81 in taxes. In short I only pay approx 330.00 for me and Cameron to fly one way to Singapore.

woah. I'ma have more money to spend on them food. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

see you soon.

oh p.s. Cameron started clapping again and he won't stop. =)

His first words!

2006-03-04T16:31:00.000+10:00

So Cam made his first attempt at speaking today...

Ba ba ba ba ba ba.

Well it's a start. I think he gets it from us playing peek a boo and "BAH!" to scare him. He likes that.

wow. He's growing up!

Oh. and I might make a trip back to Singapore this August... just settling some stuff with the airfares and accomodation and stuff... but i'm excited!

Babies

2006-03-03T11:29:00.000+10:00

Babies are strange little creatures... just when you think you know them they astound you and do something rather unexplainable.

Cameron was clapping his hands about a month or so ago. The last 3 weeks he decided that he was far too advanced for it and he won't do it anymore. Instead he does the twinkle with his hands, opening and closing.

His separation anxiety is getting quite bad... he won't let me go to the bathroom even.

Sometimes it's hard to get the chores done. But I think to myself he's going to grow up and skip out the door to the mall with his mates without so much of a 'bye mom' to me... and I want to hold him closer to me and give him just that extra hug.

Proud to be an Asian woman

2006-02-20T18:17:00.000+10:00

Hi guys... thought i just share with you an interesting email that was forwarded to me.. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Hope you will too. (Thanks to Nany for the mail!)

This letter was written in response to an article in the NY times: (with
no harm meant to anyone in particular)

Dear Editor:
I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Asian male readers. I
am a White female who is engaged to an Asian male, good-looking, educated
and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Asian female's attitudes
about our relationship.

My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Asian women were
slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too
argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess
baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly
approached by Asian men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the
world. If Asian women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why
don't they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the
dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like
to hear from some Asian men about why we white women are so appealing
and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one
of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell
Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney
Poitier, Kofi Annan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy
Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...!

I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I
wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many
of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may
lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Asian men, let me know.

Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA.

The Response:

Dear Editor:

I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.
Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old Sri Lankan man. I graduated
from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a
Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a
major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider
myself to be among the ranks of successful Non-White men.

I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to
set the record straight of why Asian men date white women. Back in the
day, one of the biggest reasons why Asian men dated white women was
because they were considered easy. The Sri Lankan girls in my neighborhood
were raised traditionally. They were very strict about when they lost
their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to
wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without
too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls.

Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of Asian males date white women because
they are docile and easy to control. A lot of Asian men, because of
insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by
the strength of our Asian women. We are afraid that our woman will be more
successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own
bigger houses. Because of this fear, many Asian men look for a more docile
woman! . Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous Asian men and
they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their
white women. .

I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to
know that not all successful Asian men date white women. Non-Whites like
Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will
Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and
Chris Rock all married strong Non-White women. And, to flip the script,
there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or
secretly desire Non-White women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert
DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few.

I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed. Stop thinking
that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember,
when
Non-White Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling
Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe
eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs.

Read your history! It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to cook
and season your food. It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to
raise your children. It was Non-White women who were breastfeeding and
raising your babies during slavery. It is the Non-White woman that had to
endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and
thrown in jail. Asian women were born with two strikes against them: being
Non-White and being a woman.
And, through all this, Still They Rise!

It is because of the Asian women's strength, elegance, power, love and
beauty that I could never date anyone except my Sri Lankan Queen. It is
not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not
the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colours and shades that I
love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about Asian
women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity,
their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for
what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their
highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have
fallen in love with Asian women. I honestly believe that your anger is
geared more toward jealousy and envy than snotty looks. If this were not
so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin?
If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with
your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts
with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more
voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to
have what the Non-White woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over
and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for
a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my
children. Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles.
I am looking for a soul mate and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit
the bill.

No offense taken, none given.

Signed,
Sri Lankan Royalty

Skeletons in the closet

2006-02-19T23:26:00.000+10:00

Spoke to Char this evening for about an hour and we were talking about the past, funny and otherwise and strange stuff that we never knew till now... days in high school..

funny how skeletons in the closet find their way out in the strangest of fashions.

the goss was great. it'll keep me entertained till the next time we find out more stuff we didn't know before.

who knows. it might even be about u.

First official post of the new year

2006-02-18T10:30:00.000+10:00

So anyways.. I know I've been defunct for a while and plenty has happened since... more bad stuff than good stuff...
but this year's new year's resolution is to disregard anything that's a waste of time.. especially people... I find my fuse a little shorter and my disposition a little less obliging than before.

So stay out of my way if your intention is to piss me off.... I will not take too kindly to persons of such... and will do my very best to make it a rather bad year for you..

In light of better things I will only concentrate on the happy things.... and just an update on Cameron's recent Christening and mum and dad's holiday here...

Daddy and Mummy arrived the day before the Christening and plenty of work had to be done in preparation for the Christening party the next day.

So while my father babysat his grandchild and stared into his face for the first time... me and mum cooked and baked till 4am!!! We had about half hour sleep!

See photos of the Christening here. (Flash player required: file size 999 kb)

It was a beautiful day with lovely Australian summer weather... Cameron was the only boy out of the 3 babies and was the only one that didn't cry.. YAY!

The party was a success.. I unfortunately crashed on the couch with some of my guests still in the house because I was FLAT OUT. Everyone commented on how great the food was.. I made beef satay and mummy made those long life noodles.. and everyone thought the cake was professionally made...

Truth was it took a lot of work for that damn cake. First the cake recipe went wrong .. then we switched to a mud cake recipe and that was delicious.. but laying the fondant and getting it to the right consistency was rather tiresome. But the final product was great... I'm really proud of my first attempt.

So after the Christening was over, the following Tuesday we went for a holiday down the Gold Coast at one of our Worldmark resorts at Kirra Beach. It's a resort that is only for Worldmark owners and guests (it's like a worldwide holiday timeshare thingy) and probably one of the better investments Christopher and I made in a while...

See our Gold Coast Kirra Beach photos here. (Flash player required: file size 2.4mb)

Kirra Beach is about 15 mins from Surfers Paradise south and one night I took my parents to see the Natural Arch and glowworm cave located in Lamington National Park. It was filled with 4 busloads of Japanese tourists but it was rather special seeing the magnificent glow worms in the cave.. like millions of little glow in the dark stickers someone pasted on the wall.

If any of you my friends would like to visit that when you come here I'll gladly take you... but it's a pretty long country drive... so if you're not into hiking and being in the middle of nowhere.. I suggest you omit this from your itinerary.

Cameron went into his first swimming pool and jacuzzi... all the photos are in the flash movie.

It was a great time.. everyone was sunburnt except me and Cam.. haha... told you to slap on the sunblock!

It was quite sad seeing Mummy and Daddy go... but we're planning a trip to Singapore this year or early next year.. and I can't wait! Will let you know more when things are more confirmed... details are a little sketchy at the moment..

Meantime till my next post... CIAO!

Coming together...

2006-02-18T01:49:00.000+10:00

So the new site is almost up and running... tell me what you think... open to all suggestions..

new site coming to a puter near you

2006-01-25T01:50:00.000+10:00

(under construction)

Stop playback.

2005-10-28T01:13:00.000+10:00

It's 1 am. and I can't sleep. Christopher's in bed. Cameron's fast asleep and my eyes, though heavy are afraid to close, because my mind keeps playing back all those memories that I don't like to relive...

I don't know why when I'm down I think about all my past failures and embarrassments and it makes me feel even worse.

Tonight I'm thinking about her. Whether she's doing okay. Whether she's lonely.. or knows where she is. Whether she remembers all the hurtful things she's said. Whether they are really the thoughts she wouldn't have otherwise said if she wasn't sick.

I miss the old you. Come back. I've prayed so hard. Have I found my GOD yet?

Previously silent ramblings from a heavy heart.

2005-10-25T09:15:00.000+10:00

I don't know what emotions I'm going through at the moment. The revelations the last couple of days have been rather overwhelming to say the least. And I'm running out of people that will listen or try to comprehend how hard it's hitting me.

It seemed like here I was.. embracing a less than perfect world, trying to make a little place my own, where happy thoughts and golden slumbers with innocent laughter was the only events allowed to take place.

Then I crept outside... beyond my fortitude of solid brick laughter and stability... and for the first time saw the scorched sky and burning mountains. Where everything I once knew was probably gone or horrifyingly damaged in some manner.

What happened? I asked myself.

Had I been to caught up with my own life that I failed to notice others?

Had I been so selfishly gorging myself with happiness that I forgot there was still misery eating away around me?

Today I understood one thing clearer than I've ever known or wanted to care about.

You are nothing without the people around you. We are all connected you and I.

I didn't know when you were crying before. But when I found out I cried so many more tears, not just for you... but for me so selfishly caught up on my own world.

When you are sad and down low, I cannot be happy. My little world of happiness is enveloped by the real pain and grief that you feel.

What's the point of trying to be happy when everyone else around you are in mourning.

Mourning the loss of humanity. Mourning the loss of sanity. Mourning war. Mourning disasters. Mourning accidents. Mourning for the sake of mourning.

Today I am shocked out of my world. It was perfect. Now it's just a shadow that I'm running back to. To escape the horrendous truths of life.

Where is my GOD? I need to speak to you. I need to cry. So that I can be stronger. So that I can fix the sky and land and it's people.... lovely lovely people that are ravaged by unseen forces of winds that sweep them away.

Where are you? Where am I?

I pray we find each other.

For Bert.

2005-10-23T13:31:00.000+10:00

GET OVER YOURSELF MATE.

For fuck's sakes. Are you permanently over the happy pills? Where is living for yourself gone to? Down the dumps like the rest of your life. Cos you bloody letting it.

Every time I read your friggin blog I get ULTRA FUCKING depressed. You're like a fucking woman that's on constant PMS, DMS AND AMS. Get over it.

Get over the stupid biatches that are ruining your life or learn to live with it. It's a fact of life, women. THEY ARE NEVER GONNA GO AWAY. So unless you deal with their idiosyncrasies you're gonna grow old alone and decrepit. They are ALWAYS going to be dumb, do dumb stuff and say dumb things. All you have to do is SHUT YOUR MOUTH and smile like a man bitch.

Don't like them.. DON'T FUCKING HANG OUT WITH THEM. Don't spend 6 days and 23 hours worrying about whether or not it's going to work. If you have doubts then it's probably not going to. Switch to visiting prostitutes. They have no emotional attachment.

ENOUGH with the consulting other idiots that don't have a shit clue about what's happening with your life and giving advice coming in streams from their arse hole.

If you like the woman for crying out loud just say it. Do something drastic. Fuck I dunno. Use your friggin imagination. Afraid of getting hurt? What are you? A stupid 15 year old girl? Take life as it hits you and you learn. You never gonna get anything, gain anything or lose your tunnel visioned mindset if you don't TAKE FRIGGIN CHANCES.

Don't wanna work. THEN DON'T. Unlike here, the government over there doesn't GIVE A SHIT CRAP ABOUT WHETHER YOU EAT OFF THE FLOOR. It's not like you're dumb. Stop being an excuse for brainlessness (if there is even such a word) IT'S IN YOUR HEAD if you forgot at one point of time. USE IT.

You hate home. Fine. SO DO MILLIONS OF OTHER FUCKERS OUT THERE. At least your parents don't beat you up or make you do stuff you dun wanna do. All they want is to see you succeed. THEY ARE NOT THE ENEMY. Stop alienating everyone.

AND NOT EVERYONE IS AN ARSEHOLE THAT'S OUT TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE.

They just don't have the time. Others do it accidentally.

Stop comparing yourself with others and set your own benchmark for others to follow.

You are not a paraplegic, you have full use of all your body parts. Make use of it. AND STOP COMPLAINING.

You are not a retard, you are able to make sound decisions. Do something with that. AND STOP COMPLAINING.

You're my eldest brother for fuck's sake. FUCKING ACT LIKE IT INSTEAD OF A 15 YEAR OLD GAY ASS SISSY. This sensitive new age guy SHIT IS NOT WORKING FOR YOU.

MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF GODDAMIT OR SO HELP ME I WILL COME BACK AND WHOOP YOU SO HARD ON YOUR LAZY DEPRESSED ARSE AND KICK YOU TILL YOU SHIT OUT OF YOUR EARS.

woah. I feel so much better.

Man I'm SLACK.

2005-10-11T11:34:00.000+10:00

Sorry people. I've been so caught up with the rest of my life that I haven't blogged as often as I wanted to. I'm officially about a month behind in my posts so I'm going to try to reclaim my position.

17th September 2005

Aunt Emma's wedding. It was a perfect day in September. Not too hot. Not too cold. Had a bad morning doing my nails cos the paint wouldn't set and then I threw a tantrum and didn't want to go. But the day eventuated to be one of happy memories.

I got to the Ridge Hotel that afternoon to set up the music for the ceremony.

It was about 4pm when the bride turned up...

Martin looked so cute in his suit... when he walked down the aisle before Aunt Emma he got rather distracted with everyone there... '

Dad gave Aunt Emma away cos he was the eldest of her only family here..

During the ceremony, Aunt Emma put the ring on the wrong hand.. silyl woman. Everyone had a bit of a laugh tho... cos it's just like her to do so...

The photos of the couple came back quite nice...

At least I managed to get a pic with the bride...

It was a really nice day for the family to get together... sometimes Sunday dinners just aren't enough..

Cameron was nicely dressed and everyone thought he was just so cute.

Dad and Mum wouldn't let him go...

He was also having diarrhea unfortunately so I had to change him like a number of times cos he was pooing about 4 times that day.. here's him after he soiled his lovely blue suit. =P

But I really couldn't get enough of Martin in that suit...

I guess I don't really need to say much about the wedding.. It was a great day.. And I sang a song at the reception for their first dance.. and drank loads of free flowing wine and beer.. Next post coming real soon.

ReWIND!!!

2005-09-25T00:26:00.000+10:00

Gee I have so many things to update you guys on... let's start with the wedding... here is Part 1..

HEN'S NIGHT!

So Mum-in-law rings me up one fine afternoon (this was about the 5th of Sept or so) and she sorta plays with the idea of having a hen's night for Aunt Emma before her upcoming wedding...

Here's a transcript:

MIL: Hi Xellie!
Me: Yes, Mum.. how are ya?
MIL: I'm okay... how's bubs?
Me: He's alright... just tired from running around preparing for the wedding and stuff... like me. (pulls a face) (not that anyone can see anyway)
MIL: Oh.. why you stressing out.. Don't stress out! Nothing to worry!
Me: Yes, Mum. Only that I have to be wedding singer and planner. Of course. Nothing to worry about. (pulls another face)
MIL: Hmmm... anyway.. I was thinking...(trails off)
Me: Yeah?
MIL: (deep breath) We were thinking that maybe we should take Auntie Emma out for like a hen's night or something...
Me: Mmm... (alarm bells going off)
MIL: I called Auntie Lota and she was like ... (imitating) "Maybe we can bring some food or something..."(sniggers)
Me: WHAT? For a HEN'S NIGHT? ish.
MIL: Yah, that was what I thought... but you know your Auntie Lota.. all the religious people..
Me: Hmm... (rolls eyes)
MIL: So I was thinking maybe you could organize something..
Me: (Silenced Alarmed look)
MIL: Xellie? Only if you're not too busy...
Me: Mmm... okay Mum... erm... how bout.. a male strip club? I reckon that be good enough.
MIL: (hesitation) Erm... I don't think the religious people would appreciate it very much.. I wouldn't mind...
Me: (raises an eyebrow) Yes. I know. Maybe we could have it at someone's house! (gleeful grin)
MIL: Errrr... I think you should do some research.
Me: Fine Mum. I'll do some research. and ring you back.
MIL: Okay. And make it soon..
Me: Oh.. when do you want it?
MIL: Erm.. this Saturday?
Me: (Deadpans) Ah crap. Mum.. you do know it's like Monday today and by the time we organize find a place round up the herd...
MIL: Yes yes I know... but we can still do it.. plenty of time..
Me: (gulps)

So I manage to find a place called the Brazilian Touch Restaurant. I remembered I once went there over 2 years ago and I really enjoyed it.. It's a dinner plus show.. where they have a Brazilian barbecue called a Churrasco.. basically they roast the meat, put it through a sword, bring it round the table and cut slices of it and put it on your plate. A nice change from the usual table service I suppose.

Then they have a Brazilian dance show.. where it's back to the street parties of Rio De Janeiro of flumes and little sequined bikini thongs. Close enough to a strip show I thought. I couldn't get any pictures of the dancers ( I will explain in a sec why) so you'll have to go to their website to see it.

We arrived there at about 7:00pm after gathering at Aunt Emma's place.. there were 11 of us, made up of her family and friends. The restaurant had moved to a new location since I'd been there and I got the crew lost trying to direct Mum to the place. She nearly killed us TWICE on the road and by the time we got to the restaurant we looked as though we were already drunk.
I came to the door and they told me I was an hour late. I explained to them no one told me that I was meant to be there at 6pm (cos that was the time for functions) as their website said dinner started at 7:30pm. So I smugly thought I was early. (Oo)

They led us to our table and was rather apologetic, having the waiters send our complimentary cocktail to our table. There were at least another 15 tables there all full with other hens and birthday people. The room inhabited about 90% women. There may have been about 20 guys which included the barstaff, waitstaff, management and dancers. Gee.

To cut things short dinner was great. Our complimentary cocktail was a Midori Pina Colada which tasted alright except for the watered down bit. Not too happy I went to the bar with Skye and got ourselves another drink, this time a Sex on the Beach cocktail. Had some funny looks from the religious ones when we came back to the table.

My mother-in-law was meant to be Designated Driver that night but we convinced her that since Lauren wasn't drinking she could be DD. Mum agreed and I got her a double shot of Bailey's on Ice. Time to share some photos...

Here's a picture of the Hen herself.. we amde her carry around a stuffed chook the whole night.. and made her a veil... muahahahah...

Here's my Mum-in-law with her favourite only daughter in law and her prospective daughters in law Skye in the middle and Lauren next to her..

Caught in the act of being an alcoholic...

She still looked quite sober though..

Here's Skye and Lauren again... Skye has had some drinks by thiis time with me...

Here's Lota & Marina having a good time... or at least I think so. (Plus she denies that she is drunk)

More happy shots with alcomahol...

Dinner was over and the show started... and we were having the champers... guzzling down while the fireater did his thing and lit the whole room... and the girls were shaking their stuff .. and the dance was really good... more champers for me...

By the time the show was over me and Skye were giggling like some 12 year old school girls over nothing. Drunk. Drunk. Drunk.

Ooh! CONGO LINE! Stumble. Stumble. Stumble. Laugh. Stumble. Drink.

One of the male dancers gets me to dance the salsa with him. Rightey oh.

Left. Back. Spin. Oh wait. That's just my head.

So you see now why I don't have pictures of them dancers. By this time me and Skye was in happy land...

We danced the night away until most people left, always with a glass or bottle of alkie in our hands... It was a great fantastic time, even though Skye tore a hole in her brand new skirt that she just bought that day and didn't even know how she did it.

When the group decided to leave we went outside and they had a thing on the wall where you could pretend to a Brazilian dancer too! So Mum had a go .. in fact I think all the ladies had a go...

Me & Skye went outside with Lauren and were spinning around in their gardens thinking we should go out to continue the alcohol damage. Here's Skye really quite intoxicated demanding a photo taken of her...

In the end we ended up in Milton for coffee where me and Skye made a ruckus about making sure there were 7 marshmellows in our hot chocolate. Not 6. Not 8. 7. The waiter came back with 8 marshmellows for Skye and 6 for me. Cheeky bastard.

I had a brilliant night... I hope everyone else did too. I think they did.

Empty Space

2005-09-23T10:16:00.000+10:00

Hi Everyone. Sorry I haven't Blogged for a while. Been really sick and bed ridden. Had food poisoning. Have so much to post on the last 10 days. Will be up and running soon. love you lots.

In My Son's Eyes

2005-09-13T19:18:00.000+10:00

I watched Cameron as he began to exhibit his first signs of motor skills trying to grab Big Bird off the play gym and I realised that I was still getting used to the idea that I was his mother. That I had embraced motherhood with open arms and I must say.. coping rather well.

I used to worry that he wouldn't like me before he was born. And I used to sit cuddled in Christopher's arms asking him "what if" questions.

What if he doesn't like me?
What if there are labour complications?
What if he wasn't healthy?
What does he look like?
Who does he look like?

I still have a dozen and one questions that I have no answers for and probably never will.

Then I thought to myself of what he thinks of our world.. what he thought of all the silly people that make silly faces and googlliesakfhnakfnviehisfnianf noises to him. I wondered if he thought I was funny.. or liked the songs I sang to him or hated his daddy banging away on the guitar like a down and out rock star.

Then I came across a song I heard on Oprah (yes ladies that's what bored mums watch in the afternoon) and decided that it must aptly describe what he sees.

Click here to listen to In My Daughter's Eyes by Martina McBride

In my daughter's eyes
I am a hero
I am strong and wise
and I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace

This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see
how happy she made me

For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

The baby calendar says Cameron is 89 days old today:

PDB: Public Displays of Boob
If you're ever going to have a life, you're going to have to nurse in public one of these days. Relax. Janet Jackson showed her boob to hundreds of millions of people.

Actually I dread breast feeding in public, So I bring a bottle of formula if I do go out for the day outdoors. There have been times when I've needed to breast feed and fortunately most of the shopping centres have a parents room with change areas for nappy change, and comfortable chairs for feeding, whether it's breast feeding, bottle feeding or solids where they even have high chairs for bubs. There's a play area that is secure for the older toddlers to occupy themselves while mothers have a break. There's kettles and microwaves for heating and maybe making a cuppa. Of course TV to keep everyone amused. I think it's great that someone is thinking of us.

Now I'm broken...

2005-09-09T22:59:00.000+10:00

A while ago I wrote about falling to pieces. Today I did and I broke myself open and shared all my thoughts in one rant and rave.

The pressure's been getting to me. Aunt Emma's wedding is in 8 days time and there are still so many preparations.. she seems calm and me? I'm slowly about to shop for a gun to shoot myself with.

Wednesday
The wedding memoirs we were giving away were so delicate that they broke... it's a little glass filled with water and had a little bride and groom figurine in it. Unfortunately due to bad workmanship, the glue used had unstuck itself and I had to glue the bloody pieces back so they stayed in the glass. Also had to place a tag on the glass with the bride and grooms names to thank the guests. Since we broke so many there wasn't enough for everyone, so we made the decision to just hand them out to the couples.

Thursday
Still tired from Wednesday we then had to make memoirs for the rest of the guests, settling on heart shaped chocolates. We went to Garden City Shopping Centre and spent like hours and hours looking for the right cake bags and tulles to wrap the chocolate with. Another day gone.

Today
All the memoirs are finished and I decided to dye my hair to a chestnut brown, opting for home colour instead of the salon. Dammit it's her wedding and I've already spent so much on my own attire plus I have an appointment for a haircut the day before the wedding and I'm presenting the bride with a manicure and pedicure . Unfortunately I've been given the grim task of running the music as well as sing for the couple's first dance and I had to invest in a karaoke CD with the backing track. If you do want to know where to get such CDs you can visit Capital Karaoke for more information.

I am officially broke financially, physically and emotionally.

Had to wake Christopher up to pick up Eric (his cousin) from the nearby school because Aunt Emma's car was full with Cameron and Martin in the back seat. Christopher whinged and didn't want to, which meant I couldn't go to Aunt Emma's to dye my hair.

Then I lost it.

I began to cry and started to scream about how he didn't care about me and how I didn't expect our marriage to be like this. How when it came to ME he was always too tired.. too busy.

I never see him because of his work hours and how he always wants to bloody sleep. I've had enough of it. I'm alone all the time... PICKING UP after my son.. AND my husband...Sick of cleaning and housework and cooking and laundry. Sick of sitting at home online shopping because it's hard to get out with the little one.

SICK OF FEELING GUILTY TAKING TIME OUT TO FRIGGIN BLOG.

I reached the brink and I was about to fall over when he just held me, while I pounded my fists on his chest, cried my heart out and confessed the overwhelming loneliness without him around.

I resented my life and for just that split second I thought how different it would be if I didn't have Cameron.

The thought slithered through my mind like a snake running from bright lights and it flashed past a life of easy shopping and carefree days.

Then it showed how much lonelier I would be.

And just like that, I thanked God for him, and forgot about my life for a moment.

Vote EMILY to 191010

2005-09-06T11:29:00.000+10:00

Emily Williams made it through to Australian Idol Top 12 Finalists!! I'm so proud of her!! Was screaming in front of the TV when they announced her as the Judges Choice on the Wildcard!

Read Emily's Biography Here

We used to hang out at Casablanca's karaoke bar.. we all know her as Renee and she used to rub my belly when I was still pregnant, waiting for Cameron to kick or something (clubbing when pregnant hey... I was hip what can I say?)

She used to talk to Cameron in my tummy.. and she's been away doing the show since I've had him so she doesn't know I've had a boy nor has she seen his photo...

But I've been watching her on the Australian Idol 2005 series and voting cos she is AMAZING as a singer... Man... that must be what angels sound like when you get to heaven..

I said the same thing to Xy before he became famous on X-Factor, as the winning group Random:

Who I'm doing a plug for now... hmph. I should send them a bill..

New single released: Are You Ready?

and their first single was Put Your Hands Up

Maybe I have an uncanny knack for sourcing talent... I hope Renee knows we're all behind her and praying for her that she'll go far.. I feel like making T-Shirts that say VOTE EMILY to 191010.. muahahahah....

Love ya baby girl... Done us proud!

Falling to pieces..

2005-09-02T21:02:00.000+10:00

Sometimes motherhood overwhelms me... when I'm tired and there are still 3 million gazzzzillion things to do...

That's when I get pissed off at the little things.. like when Cameron is cranky for some unknown reason on top of all the work I have to do...

Some of you might think .. oh yeah.. housewife duties.. that's easy.

Let me tell you something.

ONLY IF YOU'RE FRIGGIN MARY POPPINS. Otherwise... stick that umbrella up your wazzooo.

I am now in awe of how my own mother survived raising us and working and doing the housework and gee..

In the morning I put the dirty laundry in the machine and start it. That's by far the easiest thing that I can do. I have to then wait for Poopiepants to fall asleep so that I can leave him and hang the laundry out to dry.. which is in the communal area of the complex... in my backyard.

If I'm lazy I'll pop it in the dryer .. but our last electricity bill was so ridiculous that I have to start learning how to save electricity around the house...

During this time when Poopiepants falls asleep I get to have my morning shower... I can never enjoy it because I'm keep a constant ear out for his cry, and it's hard to do under running water..

Christopher doesn't have much time for either of us when he's working .. he comes home absolutely flat out from work and goes straight to sleep and sometimes he sleeps straight through until it's time to go to work again...

I hate that I'm constantly working.. it might not seem so but I am.

There's always laundry to do.. dishes to wash... dinner to cook.. cleaning around the house...

that's in between changing diapers... putting the child to sleep.. entertaining him.. giving him his bath...feeding him...

It doesn't end. And it drives me insane on the worser days.

On Christopher's days off we go shopping ... but we're always on a budget trying to save for the house...

I want ME time sometimes... and we go to my inlaws place where my baby gets ripped from my arms and gets cuddles from the rest of the family... funny how when that happens I miss him.. even though we spend all our time together...

Cameron's almost like my best friend. We do everything together and he cracks me up... just oohing and aahing.

Students get a break from school periodically. Workers get to go home and relax and there are weekends off. Everyone gets a break sometimes...

Not us though. Not our kind. Because we're home all the time everyone thinks that we're always having a day off...

Sometimes I wish I was back at work. I think that would be a sane escape from the reality of today. But at the same time I think I'd die of missing Cameron too much, the way he smiles and laughs and does whatever he does...

Sometimes I want a break. I just haven't figured out a way so that we're all happy.

2005-08-31T22:02:00.000+10:00

I love shopping for clothes for Cameron... but they don't really have nice clothes for boys.. but they do make Bonds chestys for babies! I love it.. All the vibrant colours I bought dark blue, bright blue, red, green....

Here's Cameron just sitting around... showing off his tummy!

My baby is so chubby... The doctor said he now weighs 6.1KG! Like a sack of rice!

She also said he has a "bigger than average" head. Hmmm... maybe he's got a bigger brain.. That's why he's so smart..

So SMART that he babysits his daddy instead of the other way around...

Fresh out of the bath and he doesn't really shrink like a cat does he? He's got FAT legs... like a Chicken Drumstick! Christopher calls him Squishy... whahahahah... and that's exactly what he feels like to hug... and Squishy boy!

I like this suit on him.. It's a pair of jeans!

Well nothing to write about except post pictures... and I'm reintroducing him to his cot because he thinks that MY BED is HIS. His nose is better and he's being a really good boy. I want to go out shopping soon... It's late night shopping tonight.. WOOOOOO!

11 weeks old on the baby calendar notes:

Although he reserves most of his enthusiasm for his mom and dad, your baby may be quite the social butterfly now. Don't be surprised if he becomes especially alert when guests visit, flashing a grin when they say hello to him. He'll also respond with coos to oohs and aahs received from strangers. What a flirt!

Oh so true... he is really VERY EXTREMELY talkative... he babbles in the background when I'm on the phone... one more trait I wish he didn't inherit from me! Everybody loves him!

Captain Poopiepants and the attack of Mucusman

2005-08-30T23:50:00.000+10:00

So Poopiepants is sick... I've just put him to bed after he refused to be put down for the day, crying everytime I put him in his cot after he's fallen asleep in my arms... like saying "don't leave me..."

He's got the cold... stuffy nose and all... so he can't breathe right... When he's awake he's snorting away trying to get some air...when he's asleep I watch him... making sure he IS breathing...

This is the first time he's sick so it's a new experience for all of us... Christopher went to get some Dimetapp for infants... it's meant to dry up the mucus... and I've been rubbing Vicks on him to try to clear up his air ways.

Since I haven't blogged for a week I thought I'd bring you up to date on his developments this week...

CP is balding!! All that lovely hair at the back of his head is falling off from him sleeping on it...

I love his hair tho... so now I'm only taking pictures from the front..

Aunt Didi sent a package for Cameron too! It had all this lovely stuff in it and my favourite was this cute little beanie!

Thanks Didi!!!!!! Love it !

And 3 days ago CP flipped over! All by himself! I've never been more proud... He's holding up his head really well and we had him on his belly when he suddenly tipped over and was on his back! He leaves a trail of dribble on my bed when he's on my bed though... from wriggling...

I have so many pictures to post... but it'll have to wait for another time!

76 days old on the baby calendar notes:

"Try to get those healthy snacks in... and if you're breastfeeding, make sure you have a glass of water when you sit down to nurse your child."

I gotta remember that! I always forget until I've started... and you get really thirsty breast feeding... Christopher always has to get it for me haha...

Flashback... pregnancy depression is real.

2005-08-23T22:52:00.000+10:00

Today I met my old neighbours from my apartment on Ridge Street... we had a sorta falling out just before we moved but had made up and thought it would be nice to meet for lunch.

Cherissa & Robynne came to pick me & Cameron up at about 11:30am and we had a lovely lunch of Chezza's Cesar's Salad... and a beer or two..Cherissa then introduced me to her mate Sylvia, who had come over later and we all sat down and had some coffee ... It was all in all a nice afternoon with friends...

When Chez took Cameron and me home she seemed a little upset and perturbed over something. I asked if she was alright and she said she would explain things to me in the car.

Robynne asked to be dropped off at her friends place and it was only after she left that Cherissa shared what was on her mind.

Sylvia apparently had taken a pregnancy test this afternoon and it was positive. She was pregnant. And worried.
She took a sickie off from work and Cherissa promised to get her from her workplace on the way to dropping me home.

My heart sank when I heard her current situation. It hit too close to my heart for me to ignore the feelings I tried so hard to forget from flooding back.

Sylvia comes from a Hispanic background of staunch Catholics. They're obsessed on family and traditional values from what I heard and this would be completely unaccepted. Sylvia is not married nor engaged to be married. She had just moved in with her boyfriend and that simple matter had caused a family uproar.

Gee. Everyone does it here... It's abnormal to NOT have a de-facto relationship.
She hadn't even told her partner when she confided in us.

The thing is she also was on a contraceptive injection which she had administered 2 months ago. And she STILL got pregnant. She also has problems with her uterus lining where the blood clots too much and had undergone a number of surgeries to correct it... slimming her chances of having kids... and she STILL got pregnant.

This child she carries now is a miracle pregnancy, against most odds.

And yet, it couldn't have been at a worse time. She was in no financial position to have this child and she didn't know how her partner would react. She knew her family would be hitting the roof. That it was not the right time to have this child.

But yet at the same time she knew that this could be the one and only time she could ever be pregnant.

I looked at her. And I saw me.

I remember when I first suspected I was pregnant I had a conversation with Christopher in the car while we were driving;

Me: "Erm... I haven't got my period for a while"

Him: [silence]

Me: "I don't know if it is... but it might not be"

Him: "When are you going to test?"

Me: "I don't know... I'm almost afraid to find out... I don't know what I'll do if it's positive.. but I'll be so disappointed if it's negative"

Him: [silence]

Me: "What if I AM pregnant?"

Him: "If you're not, that's good. If you are, then it's okay too. It's just that we're not in the right position now to have one. But we'll work things out. Just get tested then we'll go from there"

That line "if you are then that's okay" haunted me through most of my pregnancy. I thought he would leave me. I thought the worst of the situation. I thought he didn't want me, or the child I might have been carrying.

Then I took the test and showed him the positive sign on the stick. And he took a big breath.

He became more involved after getting used to the idea he was going to be a father. He would talk to my tummy and pretend he was tickling our yet unborn child. I remember his expression of awe the first time he heard the baby's heartbeat at our first ultrasound.

But it didn't change anything for me.

I thought horrible thoughts.

Sometimes I thought about leaving him... before he would have a chance to leave me. Just pack my bags and run somewhere and bring up the child where it would be loved.

Sometimes I'd cry. I'd cry for hours over nothing. Let the tears stream down. I thought about my brother's death, the night I saw his lifeless body at the hospital. All the most darkest of my thoughts and all the saddest moments of my life I thought about continously until I could sob no more.

Sometimes I thought about death. I thought about ending my life. Find a gun and end it in the most dramatic fashion possible. Straight through my head.

All this because I felt unloved. Even though it wasn't true.

I thought that if I was dead, people would come to my funeral and I could do a head count of how many people loved me. Or if I was in a coma I could see how many people cared by how many visits I would get. And who would wait by my bedside, patiently waiting for me to awake.

I plagued myself with these thoughts throughout my pregnancy and my thoughts nearly killed my unborn child when I was brought to the emergency ward vaginally bleeding and unconcious. The doctor said I had a threatened miscarriage.

Caused by STRESS.

I was also singled out for plausible post partum depression at the antenatal clinic and a psychologist sat down with me and had a chat.

I thank God that it never developed into post partum depression and that my post pregnancy days are filled with smiles and laughter from just watching Cameron do the things he does (what does he do anyway?)

And to everyone reading this. Always always tell your loved ones you love them with all your heart. Every single day. Just so they know.

I love you whoever you are. From the deepest bottom of my heart.
You are special to me.

My 5 year plan..

2005-08-21T09:58:00.000+10:00

So now with the baby and a family I sat down the other day and asked myself the serious question of what would come in the future...

I remember during my pregnancy I thought alot of what I was going to do once I had Cameron and I have to admit I've been procrastinating about it for a while.

So here's my new year's resolution... in the middle of the year.

I was so excited about trying to get a home loan so we could buy our own house and get out of the god-forsaken rent cycle. After trying so hard I finally calmed myself down and realised I was in no position to apply for a loan for the simple reason that there is only one income and 2 dependents (me included) and we could probably afford it but our borrowing power would be minimal.

I remember we enquired about a loan when we both were working and we could basically borrow up to just under half a million bucks for a new home.

I went back to the loan company and our borrowing power now is only about 120 000 and that's pushing it. Since I know I can't possible get a decent home that will hold out a hailstorm for that much we've decided to push back on the home loan idea and stay put rented.

But then I started thinking. So hard that my brain hurt from over-exertion.

My brilliant plan?

I'm going to move out of my rental place a week before Christmas this year. The lease finishes on a crap day.. the 3rd of January 2006 so I can't be bothered moving two days into the new year. I want to find a nice place... hopefully an affordable one by the river. I don't mind paying a bit more... now that I know you pay for what you get. Our current place is falling apart and the rental agency SUCKS MY ASS. If you ever decide to rent from LJ Hooker. DON'T.
Early next year I want to go back to work. By that time Cameron will be just over 6 months old in January and I'll stop breastfeeding him by then ... one less worry for me. He'll also be on solids so anyone can feed him. I thought about putting Cameron in childcare when he reaches about 7 or 8 months old... it'll be a good social learning place for him and I can leave him for the day and go to work.
By that time we'll have 2 incomes to support the family and Christopher can go to uni in the day time and complete his last year of medical science. He's on night shift at the moment and I think it'll be suited for him to work at night and go to school in the day.
By April our savings plan should have started for our home loan deposit. We need at least 20% of the total buying price of our home or we can have 10% in savings for a number of months. So I hope to buy a place for $400 000... So I need to save $80,000 if I want to get it soon ... or they'll give it to us if we can come up with $40,ooo over 6 months or something.
So when we get our home loan I'm not going to buy a house. I'm going to BUILD one. With a spa room with hydrotherapy and adjacent to my bar and pool table. My swimming pool's gonna be heated and I get a grand piano for the living area so Cameron can be a protege of some sort. I don't know.
Once it's all in place I'm going to finish my law degree. I don't know about my media communication degree yet. I suppose when I graduate with my law degree I'll come back and do that part time. I wanna practise before I'm 30 and 8 years is a good time I think to get my act together.

So once I'm a millionaire... whahahahah. Nah. Who wants a million when I can have.... *drumrolls please* a BILLION DOLLARS! *Dr Evil pinky-in-the-mouth style*

Captain Poopiepants and the mysterious laughing gas

2005-08-15T13:43:00.000+10:00

Captain Poopiepants has begun to do something really exciting the last 2 weeks. He's actually developing his sense of humour. Hur. Woo wee.

It started about 2 weeks ago when I noticed he smiled when he was about to fall asleep. So in his half drowsy state if I spoke to him and called him Captain Poopiepants he'd reciprocate with a smile with his eyes still flickering in and out of dreamland...

I was initially streaming the video into the post but it kinda crashed 90% of people's computers (thanks my little guinea pigs) so here's a simple link..

Watch Cameron Smile here!!

Now he smiles and opens his mouth like he's going to let out a laugh when he's being tickled... and he's extremely ticklish...

He talks to us in his little language of "wo wo" from the planet Spewie. Everything is a "erh" and a "wo wo".

The other day I was cleaning his scalp which happened to have baby dandruff. This was apparently quite a common occurence where his scalp skin dries up in little specks. The best method to combat this is a little baby oil, soaked into the scalp to loosen the skin and a fine teeth comb to remove the dead skin.

I couldn't resist giving him a makeover. And his daddy managed to get his first smiling photograph:

I love that about him... not a care in the world.. everything's funny.. amusing..

I wanna be like that.

The amazing adventures of Captain Poopiepants

2005-08-13T14:32:00.000+10:00

A while ago I decided to make Cameron's life more interesting by creating an alterego for him.

Introducing the journal from the amazing adventures of Captain Poopiepants.

Last Wednesday Captain Poopiepants needed to be immune to tubercolosis and had to take a BCG shot. That was his first jab and he didn't like that very much...Christopher had to hold him down while the nurse gave him his injection... while I stood outside, too cowardly to watch my baby go through the pain.

We were meant to wait for about 10 minutes at the clinic to see if there were any immediate effects that we should be concerned about and it turned out that his arm began to get very red in little blotched spots which alarmed the nurse, and got a doctor to look at it after a while. We ended up having to wait 40 minutes after which the doctor was quite certain was just a skin reaction and that he was fine but we were told to be vigilant.

Here's a shot of Captain Poopiepants and his new special power against TB.

I took him out that evening for a date with Michelle and Farhani, for a little SAC reunion. Michelle was visiting from Perth and was excited to meet the little Captain. I think Captain Poopiepants had a good time flying around the city, he had never been out that late before. It was cold though, so I made sure he was always warm in his little jacket. (Thanks to Aunt Paula for the lovely suit)

Here's a shot of Farhani and Captain Poopiepants:

And here's one of Michelle & Hans (who is a really nice guy and he passed the "worthy boyfriend" test)

We had some McDonald's and coffee at Cafe East on the Queen Street Mall strip. We talked about our life in school and gossiped about people we knew and what they're doing now. Gee...time passes so quick.. It's been 6 years since we were in school together! It started to get late so Christopher came to pick us up and brought us home.

It was a great day...Leave you with a pic of Captain Poopiepants impersonating a rapper.

Yo yo yo! Testing one...two...one...two! This mic's got milk!

How Time Passes...

2005-08-09T18:03:00.000+10:00

Coincidentally I was reading Sher's Blog and I was going to post on exactly the same subject... how amazingly fast babies grow.

I think about Jack and that beanstalk and I reckon babies and magic beans are not close off. I reviewed Cameron's photographs since he was born and I was amazed to see how he had slowly developed facial features over the last couple of weeks...

And everyone's been hounding for photos so here it is... (warning : I posted heaps.. be patient)

It started with a 20 weeks pregnancy ultrasound:

Then his birth:

And we had a professional photographer come in and take his photograph at the hospital the day after his birth:

And we took some really nice photos the 4 days I was in the hospital:

Here's my mum and Cameron looking at the camera:

Here's one where I think he looks like a bunny:

And I think he wants to look cute for this photo:

And here you can see his cheeks are still a bit swollen from the labour process:

And here's my favourite photo of him.. kinda reminds me of a pirate... ayyyy matey:

And this was taken the day we took him home.. he didn't quite like that..:

And he was still pretty chubby that week:

He loves his bath...:

Then I noticed he got a little thinner in the face the week after.. and he began to suck on his fists :

He also began to be more aware of his surroundings when his vision started to clear:

And he basically sleeps anywhere and anytime he wants to:

And he's so tiny when you put him next to big people like his daddy... that's his big hands trying to burp lil Cameron:

And it's so fun to dress him up... I only had ONE barbie doll when I was growing up and Cameron's really fun to play with:

Here's him in his Tigger suit:

And in the Precious Moments pyjamas Char bought for him:

And how everything is still to big for him like this Pooh Bib Uncle Bert bought for him:

And before I knew it he was ONE month old!!:

He' still sucking on his fingers.. and I think he's got my hiphop genes... WEST SIIIIDDEEEE:

And now he's getting his chubby cheeks back again!:

I wonder what's in store tomorrow.

Breastfeeding.. just cold hard facts

2005-08-02T23:30:00.000+10:00

I don't remember much the first day out of the operation. It's still a little hazy as I drifted in and out of sleep. Mum and Christopher spent the day watching the baby while I tried to recover as best as I could.

The hospital had a serious rooming in policy.. that means they leave the baby with you the entire time you're in the ward except to take the baby away for hearing tests and to be weighed and have a check up.

It really is kinda hard to recover from a c-sect with the baby there needing your attention and you can't get up to even hold the baby. In the future I would suggest that you check with the hospital you are going to deliver in whether they take the baby from you and place it in the nursery. There are pros and cons about rooming in.. the bond is strong between the baby and you but at the same time you're no good if you can't recuperate.. or sleep.

Most of what I remember the first day was the nurses teaching me to breastfeed. No one ever ever told me how hard it would be... and I was to learn later.. how painful.

It's also really hard to take in all that information when you're so drug fucked and continually being fed pain killers every 2 hours.

The first time I breastfed Cameron the nurse showed me how and he began to suckle really hard. It was more like an initial shock rather than pain that bothered me at first..

The first couple of days only colostrum is released from the breasts when the baby is suckling. This colostrum is ESSENTIAL to the baby's immune system.. and even if you don't intend to breast feed it is highly recommended you give your baby this colostrum to ensure good health.

I tried to breast feed Cameron after the first time on my own.. and it took a great amount of time to latch him on correctly to the breast. I had to keep buzzing the nurses to show me again and again. After a while I didn't want to bother anyone and just did it on my own.

BAD mistake. See I've since learnt that if you don't know anything about child rearing; ASK goddamit.

I wasn't latching Cameron right and he began to suckle on my nipple instead of the areola (which is the dark area around your nipples). And what happens when the baby sucks on the nipple instead of around it? There is no colostrum .. there is no milk ... baby's still hungry.. and worse of all... my nipples began to bleed and crack when drying.

Not a pretty sight. Not a brilliant feeling. And it gets worse.

You need to keep feeding the baby and everytime you latch them on .. even if it's done correctly.. you've already done the damage and it HURTS. REALLY REALLY HURTS.

I cried all the time and I remember the 2 nd night I was there at the hospital I let him suck for 7 hours straight. I just let my nipples bleed while I tried to soothe his crying cos he was so unsatisfied. He wanted more and I just couldn't give him any.

SO. I gave in to the easy solution. FORMULA.

I felt like such a let down. Because I knew that he would be missing out on all the nutrients of breast milk... but at the same time I would go into shock from the pain when I breast fed him.

When I got discharged I bought a can of S26 formula to supplement until my own breast milk came.. which would come after a couple days of the baby sucking at the breast. Took me about 5 or 6 days before it came... and when it came... geez... i wanted to cut my breasts off and dump them somewhere.

My breasts began to swell like it had been punched and bruised. When you don't let the baby suck on the breasts it just engorges and you either need to pump using a breast pump or you will fall over from the weight of your chest. AND IT HURTS. Didn't help that I couldn't walk still with the c-sect cut. I couldn't get up from bed and needed help in loads of things like standing up from a sitting position.

The wonderful thing about the Mater hospital however was that they sent out a nurse to check on you after you have been discharged to do some blood tests on the baby and check your stitches and generally ensure that you were coping. (Especially me because I rated as a potential postpartum depression person)

And the nurse was like a godsend. I told her I was still needing help with the breast feeding as the bleeding was still continous and I was using breastfeeding nipple cream for pain relief even though it wasn't helping much.

And she gave me such simple advice to latch the baby on correctly.

Tummy to tummy.
Nipple to chin.
Shape nipple.
Insert.

So it means his tummy to my tummy. Position my nipple so that it is at his chin, so that when he opens his mouth it will be in the right place. Shape the nipple so that it will fit his mouth, so I just pinch it like I'm holding a cigarette between my index finger and middle finger. And when he opens to feed I insert the nipple and it automatically lands at the back of his mouth and his sucking action will bring on the milk.

I don't suffer from cracked or bleeding nipples anymore. Took about a week to heal. And breast feeding is a special time for me and Cameron. I get to look at him and marvel at how wonderful he is .. even though he does nothing.

And for him to begin to trust me, to know that when he's upset or afraid he's always got me.

Always.

Baby's Arrival (Part II)

2005-07-28T10:29:00.000+10:00

The bright operating room lights pierced through my closed eyelids as I laid there while the surgeons cut me open. I could feel only tugging and pulling of my skin, no pain... no sensation. I prayed the baby would be alright... and come out embracing the world.

My thoughts were blank as Christopher sat next to me, his hand on my cheek, then holding my hand, to let me know he was still there. The surgeons had put up a sheet just below my neck obscuring my view of the operation. I could see the blood spatter on the thin blue plastic on the other side, and I knew the operation was well on the way..

I thought to myself.. "this is it".. this was the moment I waited for anxiously the entire 9 months.. sometimes wishing it would hurry up... and sometimes I had wished it would not come.. so that I would always have my baby with me, every where I went. Liked it or not I couldn't stop it.

15 minutes or so passed by.

Then I heard its voice.

"It". MY baby. Its first cry.

I heard the nurse say, " It's a boy!"

"It" became HE. He was here. My little one.

He looked a little funny, still purple, with having just taken his first breaths of air to make him the normal humanly pink.

The nurse held him up to my lips and I kissed him, just so gently on his little forehead, while he cried his heart out from having been shocked out of his little world of my womb into mine. Then she took him away to be measured and weighed and have his injections.

He didn't like that very much... He screamed even louder in the next room, presumably when he was poked with the needle. My heart broke at his discomfort, as I realised my pregnancy fears had come true.. I could no longer protect him like I used to.

The tugging and the pulling continued as they sewed me back up after releasing new life into the world and left me with just a thread as a reminder that I once held something so magnificent in my tummy. All gone in a matter of half an hour.

I softly said his name, "Cameron... don't cry... Mummy's here".. to no one in particular... hoping somehow he heard me still from the next room.

Christopher traditionally got to cut Cameron's umbilical cord, his last physical connection to me.

I was still too weak to hold my baby, to hug him and soothe his crying...

Christopher held him in his arms for the first time... and began to cry.. all emotion beginning to overwhelm him, with happiness.. with awe...

Finally, the operation was complete and I was wheeled out into the holding room while they got my room in the ward ready for me. I was shaking uncontrollably like I was naked in the middle of Antartica. I wasn't cold I didn't think... but I was shivering like an eskimo out of a morning bath.

The nurse said that it was a side effect of the drugs and that it would wear off. She put about 3 warm blankets on me in a feeble attempt to comfort me.

Mum got to meet the little one .. and she began to cry too! And here I was... unmoved. I had not yet shed a tear for all the emotion floating in the room.. if it was anyone I should be the one shedding all those buckets of tears. Then I realised later that it was probably due to the ridiculous amount of drug influence I was under to actually feel any human emotions or sensations.

Then I began to do something particular. I began to feel an itch on my face. It started off with my nose, just where the nostrils are.. and then the cheeks.. then the forehead.. and before I knew it I was scratching my face like it was going out of fashion. I couldn't stop it or soothe it and it began to get rather annoying.

The nurse said it was a side effect of the morphine as she wheeled me into my room and did the bed transfer. She said she would come back and give me and antihestamine ( I think) to counter the morphine. GREAT. Just when I thought I was drugged enough I would be given a drug to counter the effects of the PREVIOUS drug!

I was shivering and itching for the next couple of hours while the drugs took their own sweet time to wear off, and the drug they gave me to counter the morphine didn't work.. I couldn't move my lower body for the rest of the day and the nurse said that it would probably be another day before I would be up and running.

I got to hold Cameron for the first time that afternoon.

After 41 weeks of carrying him in my womb, 12 hours of labour, nitrous oxide, an epidural, an emergency cesearean operation and more drugs later I got my baby boy. My very own 8 pound 6 ounces (3.82 kg) 50 cm long bundle of baby joy at 7:26am, the 16th of June 2005.

Perfect. Just perfect.

Baby's Arrival (Part I)

2005-07-21T13:54:00.000+10:00

Okay... so here it is... grab a bowl of popcorn and visit the little boys/girls room first... this is going to be a long post!

First up my apologies for the tardiness in this report... my time is rather limited recuperating and spending the rest of my hours looking after the little one..

So let's pop back to the day it all happened...

It was the 15th of June 2005... I was 6 days past my due date (which was on the 9th) and I was back at the antenatal clinic at the Mater Mother's Hospital for a check-up...the advice I was given to naturally induce the baby's arrival was to walk a lot, squat, have sex (apparently the male semen prostrate glands create easier transition believe or not) and nipple stimulation (which mimics the breastfeeding process).

None of that had worked. So the midwives at the clinic did a cervix examination. Just an alert to what a cervix examination is... (don't get irked)
They insert 2 fingers inside your vaginal passage until they can just feel the bag of waters before your baby's head. The baby had descended down by then and they can feel if your cervix had dilated.

The honest truth is it's really uncomfortable because they apply pressure quite deep and you just mostly grin and bear it. The midwive concluded that I was already 2 cm dilated and was surprised that I didn't even feel it dilate... usually it was be accompanied with contractions. She scheduled me for a medical induction on the following Monday if I still hadn't given birth over the next couple of days.

It was State of Origin II night and Queensland were playing in NSW. Christopher's friends were all over my place having beers and watching the rugby game when the contractions started at 7:30 pm, first 15 minutes apart then 10... then 6 minutes apart on average. I had no bloody show, and my water hadn't broken. Au contraire to popular film, the baby does not necessarily come on the water bag bursting or the first contraction as I was later to experience...

I called the delivery suite at the hospital at 11:30pm, having had the contractions for 3 hours. The nurse on duty told me to take some pain killers, have a shower and sleep! I was horrified by her advice but took it anyway. I skipped on the painkillers and the shower and laid in bed trying to calm myself down.

How does a contraction feel? It hurts in an annoying sort of way, like an instense menstrual cramp that last for a minute... every 5 minutes. So I beared the pain like a woman and tried to get some shut eye and squeezed Christopher's hand everytime I had a contraction.

I lasted till 2:30am having been in labour now for 7 hours... the pain was really unbearable and Christopher called the delivery suite again at the hospital and they said to come in and they would be ready for me. It was freezing outside when we made our way to the Mater Hospital and the winter air chilled me straight in my bones.

I was surprised that they still made me fill out paperwork on arrival at the reception... I was in no state and could only sign my name in between my contractions.. Christopher filled in the rest...

Here's me and my last pregnant photograph in the delivery suite... Christopher insisted I take a photo.. in between my contractions! I don't know how I managed that calm! I know I still look like crap.

They placed me in the delivery room and the midwife on duty introduced herself... she was fairly young and had a student doctor in the room..they were pretty nice and the midwife suggested I have a shower to relax myself and she gave me some gas, which is nitrous oxide... also known as 'laughing gas'... Good things and bad things? You have to time yourself on when to take the gas as it takes like 45 secs to set in... so you have to take in the gas through an aspirator (kinda like an asthma puffer connected to an oxygen tank) BEFORE the contractions set in...

For those of you that might want to consider this option of pain relief, just know that it's difficult to control and it made me really sick.. cos I think I had an overdose.. and I started to get nauseous and throw up. Not very nice. Poor student doctor had to hold out a bucket for me.

They couldn't give me pain relief to put me to sleep because I was already 6 cm dilated by this time (the 10 cm dilation mark is what they were aiming for)... It was already 4am by this time and the contractions began to get progressively unbearable...

By this time I requested an epidural to be administered.. I just couldn't handle the pain any further... The anesthaesist came in... told me all the blah blah things associated with the epidural.. made sure I understood.. I lied cos I was just in too much pain so I just agreed to everything...

Christopher was a little hesitant on me having the epidural and tried to talk me out of it...
SAYS HIM THAT'S NOT GOING THROUGH FRIGGIN CONTRACTIONS!
So I went ahead with it..

The epidural is usually administered to your spine so that the pain is controlled only on the lower half of the body and that part stops sending pain messages to your brain...

The sound of having a needle up your spine might spin some of you out... but I believe in what you can't see... can't irk you...So first they inject the local anaesthetic and that is the only needle you will feel... what happens after that is irrelevant.. cos you can't feel the second needle by that time...or whatever else they might do to you...

They will test if the epidural is administered correctly by placing shocks and seeing if you feel it evenly in the middle or if it's not right.. you feel the shocks more on the right or left of your spine.. once the epidural was done...

GEEBUS!! Lala-land set in.. and boy was I a happy camper... I started talking about Sesame Street and a string of nonsensical idiotic topics and I was just rambling on and on...drugs are great...

They did a third cervix examination and I was 8cm dilated by this point.. and one of the side effects of the epidural is that it actually slows down the labour.. and the doctors were surprised that I was already 8 cm dilated and my bag of waters still hadn't broken...so they suggested that the bag be broken to speed up the labour..

Bad mistake... once the bag of waters was broken the ECG connected up to the check on the baby began to show uneven heartbeat patterns inconsistent with the contractions... a sign of fetal distress... It began to get more worrying when the doctor checked again and the baby had deposited some meconium into the water... that means it's done a poo in the water and that apparently is another bad sign of distress...

When I did the labour plan I told Christopher that no matter what happens .. if the baby was in distress to go straight into a ceasarean birth...and that was exactly what the doctor suggested... she said we couldn't afford to risk the baby's health waiting another 2 hours for the cervix to dilate another 2 cm for me to push...

I started to cry at this point... I wanted so much to have a natural delivery.. I wanted to avoid a c-section as much as I could... The midwife knew how upset I was and everyone started to comfort me... Mum told me to be strong and I accepted that that was how it would have to span out and I did all I could...

They prepared me for surgery and started to pump more epidural so that I would be pain free during the surgery... I was wide awake and aware throughout the entire time..

The doctor tested my sensory system to make sure I couldn't feel the incision by placing an ice cube on my tummy...and moving it around while asking if I felt anything... no sensation all the way to my armpits. I tried to relax while Christopher changed into surgical gear and held my hand...

Then I heard the doctor's voice say "Okay, we're making the first cut now..."

I closed my eyes and braced myself.

(to be continued)

Day III overdue

2005-06-13T13:16:00.000+10:00

It's the Queen's Birthday long weekend... and my inlaws decided to take my mum out to lunch in the city... still no sign of an impending delivery yet... Mum went for a noon Mass at St. Stephen's Cathedral while Christopher and myself met up with everyone else at Eagle Street Pier...

It was a lovely day... a bit chilly.. but excellent river views... so we took some photos:

As I said on yesterday's post... Christopher did go out with the boys and came home at 5AM! He was pretty tired having only slept a couple of hours... but that's his problem... self inflicted fatigue.

Martin got so excited looking at all the boats and ships on the Brisbane river.. he wasn't interested in taking a photo one bit:

I love looking at the Story Bridge.. especially at night... here's a daytime shot of Christopher and his dad with it in the background:

We went to Pig & Whistle at the Pier for lunch... nice little English lunch of freshly spit roasted beef with Yorkshire pudding.. and topped with mushroom sauce mmmm....

Dad's not a grand-pop yet... he's getting anxious too:

Martin was running around the restaurant pointing at the restaurant logo saying "PIG" all afternoon... such fun to have a blabbering kid around...

Here we have a picture of the girls... my mother-in-law.. Aunt Emma... and my mum..happy family?

Sigh... everyone's still waiting and baby's not coming. At least we had a nice family day... but it would have been great to have my little one part of it...

Today is JUNIE's Birthday!!!

HAPPYYYYYY BIIIRTTHHHDAYYYYYYY TOOOO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!

Daddy's still waiting...

2005-06-12T16:15:00.000+10:00

It's due date plus 2 days... and still no sign that baby's coming ... Christopher's getting bored... so I thought I'd document his movements for the day:

6am: Christopher's up from his sleep and cuddles me for a moment while I stir and tell him to go away so I can go back to sleep... He then turns on the X-Box and starts playing some game...

10:30am : Christopher finally gets his ass out of bed.. and makes breakfast.. I skip on the ham and eggs with grilled onions, mushrooms and zucchini. He eats it all topped with toast.

1pm: He sitting around... doing nothing... and obliges me with a photograph.

1:30pm: Aunt Emma comes around with Martin and asks us to babysit while she goes to Eric's (Martin's older brother's) concert recital thingy... Christopher spends the next couple of hours entertaining the boy... with anything he can find in the backyard... All Martin's saying now is "dog"... "uh oh"... "the ball"... and waves to the airplanes that passes in the sky... other than that he babbles about anything and everything and we try to have a conversation...

6pm: Martin's gone home and Phil comes over... the boys watch the Brisbane Lions game and stick a beer or three down their throats..

9pm: Luke and B come over to join Phil and Christopher for a game of poker... and more beers.

10:00pm: The boys are still going at their poker game... and B's winning.. check out how many chips he's got compared to everyone else...(the beers are still flowing)

I think they're going out... I want Christopher to get out with the boys instead of waiting at home... hoping for baby to come when it won't.

Baby, if you're not coming soon... daddy's going to be too drunk to drive us to the hospital.

Due date plus 1

2005-06-11T14:47:00.000+10:00

So the anticipation of baby's arrival was hampered by... baby not wanting to come.

The nurse recommended lots of walking.. so we took Mum to Chinatown to the Asian shops to see if she could find anything nice to cook...

We went to the Indian Shop:

Mum bought some nice garlic pappadums... and some stuff to make Nasi Biryani... Gee.. haven't had that for the longest time... Mum thinks we should make that and have everyone over for dinner... when the baby's born or something..

We went to the Chinese shop after and bought some nice fish to eat... and other stuff... No pics of dinner .. it was all finished before I got to take a photo.

So there... Day 2 of being over due and I spent it walking around Chinatown. Great. No sign of baby coming either. I'm tired.

Waiting is the hardest thing...

2005-06-10T12:34:00.000+10:00

Where's WALLY?

You know that little comic book you used to browse over looking for that dude in a striped red and white beanie? I feel like that... where's my baby?

It's Due Day today... and no baby yet. I'm tired and the high expectations of delivery and holding the baby in my arms today are slowly being taken over by weariness of waiting.

What's holding you back my little one?

Look... mummy got your nursery ready:

And the cot is all ready for you to sleep in:

We've got brand new sheets and even a little pillow and bolster that Grandmum bought for you:

And a nice little mobile with horsies that plays wonderful tinkling music to help you go to sleep:

And even Aunt Junie's present has arrived for you.. with cute little characters:

Grandmum's just waiting for you to turn up now... She's already been here 3 days and you're still not here yet...See her just sitting around?

Grand-pops won't stop calling mummy every 4 hours to check if you're here yet... everyone wants to meet you... but you're still deciding you don't want to come! Daddy's a bit disappointed too cos he really wants to cuddle and play with you...

Mummy's ready for you to come... we got all your new clothes washed and all your bottles ready.. bought a new bottle sterilizer...mummy's even prepped herself for the labour... but you're still in there... no contractions nothing! Just the same kicks... and hiccups.

The nurse said yesterday at the checkup that if you're not here by the 15th they're going to induce mummy's labour to force you to come out... we don't want all that trouble do we? I've tried everything darling... walking.. squatting.. relaxing.. and still nothing!

So instead of me being in hospital today like what I expected of my due date... I sat with Daddy and Grandmum and played poker... and everyone had a beer. We're tired of waiting darling... and tired of telling people it's not here yet.

The pregnancy calendar finishes its run today too! This was the last message from the calendar:

So what if labor just doesn't happen? If you hit forty-two weeks, your doctor will assess the baby's health with a non-stress test. Your care provider may use ultrasound to see if your baby has enough amniotic fluid. If the baby seems fine, you and your care provider can discuss when to schedule induction of labor.

No matter what, one way or another, somehow, that baby is getting out!

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

I suppose only you know when you'll be born... want to give me a clue? The day is nearly over little one. I know that only 5% of babies are actually born on their due date.. don't you want to be part of that special 5%? I suppose not. Don't get to comfortable then. Mummy's coming to get you soon if you're not going to come out.

So tired...

2005-06-07T16:49:00.000+10:00

I haven't been posting... I'm just too exhausted.. too tired... too heavy... my eyes close when they feel like it...Baby's not here yet... will post again when I gain some sort of momentum. Or energy.

Hospital visits..and more prodding

2005-06-01T22:51:00.000+10:00

My last couple of posts I shared the anguish of hospitals and how I had to deliver in Ipswich Hospital in another city when the nearest one was only 10 minutes away.. but couldn't take me because they were full for June deliveries...

So anyway... Mater Hospital (which is the one close to me) had been ringing my doctor apparently trying to contact me... which was really surprising cos I had given up hope as it was to deliver at the Mater... I finally got contacted by a lady at the antenatal clinic in the Mater Mother's Hospital .. and I swear she is an angel sent in my time of need...

She made sure that she had all the details on me over the phone so I needn't fill up the enormous paperwork and she scheduled a checkup with the doctor the very next day!

All this happened yesterday.. and I went to see the doctor today and everything was great... baby was healthy, my blood pressure was excellent and there was nothing to report... He had an understudy in the room and they were poking my belly to see where the baby was facing...

Doctor prodded quite hard and he could tell at once where the baby's head was... then he let the understudy try... and it was quite amusing for me .. only cos I'm ticklish as anything.. and all I could do was try to stifle my laughter... she couldn't quite figure out where the baby's shoulder was... and she said that my baby was a hard one to guess! Well ... what do you expect... baby's being cheeky! (I'm not surprised.. since its mine!)

I have another scheduled appointment next week just in case... but I don't think I'll last for that long... everyone is on emergency call-up...

Oh yeah... went out to dinner with Sue and her boyfriend Chris ... and Sue's mum Pauline and brother Tony were visiting from Hong Kong... went to Superbowl in Chinatown... and had my favourite Deep Fried flounder in chilli salt and pepper... mmmm..(slurps)... They basically catch a flounder from their tank in the restaurant, deep fry it in flour... and then season it.. it's sooooo fresh and yummmyyyyy ... there wasn't anything left...when we were done with it!

We also had soup and lots of other dishes... eggplant... crispy chicken (that was particularly yummy) ... and some pork... (I think)...

I jut let Sue's mum order everything and I just ate everything... cos it was sooooo good...I'd be up for dinner all the time if the food was always so yummy and the company so great... Pauline reckons I'm going to have a girl... by the shape of my tummy... and she gave me lots of advice like keeping my feet raised in bed and eating nutritiously.... something about mothers hey? Always know what to say!

And I just had to share this photo with you guys... watch Chris (silly man!) on the left!

It was great to get out needless to say! I need to distract myself.. finding it hard to walk now!

Let's see what the pregnancy calendar says for today 272 days!:

Things to organize: Create a mail area in your house, if you don't already have one. Get a box to put bills in that's furnished with stamps, envelopes, and pens that work. Put a trash can nearby to keep junk mail from accumulating and a place to keep magazines until you can get to them.
Get a calendar with lots of room to write, if you don't already have one, and record trash days, recycling days, upcoming appointments, birthdays, and other occasions that you'd usually keep track of in your head.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Christopher's the one with the responsibility of checking the mail box! I think I'll miss him so much when I'm in the hospital.. we've not been apart (other than for work) for the longest time!

A tribute... to the one that holds my heart..

2005-05-31T20:34:00.000+10:00

Some of you may ask... what is married life like? Truth is... I can't answer that question... My married life resembles everything it was before I got married... nothing different... nothing's changed... all I have is my marriage certificate that legalizes our union...

My husband... feels weird calling him that... he's a part of me that I can't explain... that I would die if I didn't have him around... sure he's not the pin-up calendar boy... nor is he a rocket scientist... neither is he the perfect unblemished human being... but he is everything I need and want...

I don't just love him because he rushes me to the doctor the moment I wince about anything... or because he makes me laugh with the silliest of jokes... and he doesn't let my hand go when we go shopping because he doesn't want to lose me...

I don't just love him because he is the father of my yet unborn child... who at this time is waiting rather impatiently to meet its new parents...

I love him because of because. Do I need a reason? Is love even reasonable?

I know my heart jumps when he turns the key when he comes home from work... I know sometimes he smiles, the hair on the back of my neck stands as though I'm looking at him for the first time in my life again... even though we've lived together for years!

I know he says he loves me everyday like it's going out of fashion...and when I ask if he needs me for anything.. he just says he needs me... for me.

He's not perfect... neither am I... but it is possible to find two people that are imperfect... yet find each other to be the most blessed wonderful living thing on this earth.

So today, on a rather serious note... remember to turn to the person you love most in your life right this moment... and say the silliest thing... that you love them... you might not love them forever... or tomorrow... but for today... you do... with all your heart and soul... it matters not whether they love you... but at least you let someone know that if only just for today your love was shared with someone.

Christopher... I'm going to treasure these last few days... where it's just you and me. If I could I'd marry you everyday for the rest of my life, and whatever comes next after this life... I just hope and pray that its with you.

Video Footage

2005-05-31T01:43:00.000+10:00

Au contraire to popular belief that your belly is usually round... the later stages of my pregnancy found that it was out of shape most of the time..

You'll hear me telling baby to settle down in there like countless times a day... only because it's distracting... and makes it hard to go about doing normal daily chores... With the lack of space it's got as well we're both fighting for what's left...

Like when I'm sitting here... writing my blog.. telling the world how wonderful it is.. baby starts kicking me in my ribs because I'm leaning forward towards the computer and it's pressing down on it...

I argue with baby everyday about the kicking... and sometimes I poke it back... hahaha... it's quite funny... cos it just kicks even harder... I've taken some footage of this phenomenon for you to see...

Click here to watch my belly move!

Some have likened it to a porn movie... (Oo)
I assure you it's not!
Watch it carefully as you see my belly grow out of shape and stick out... reacting even more when I poke at it...

Some of you might ask if it hurts when baby kicks... well..yes and no...

If it kicks you in the ribs.. which happens late into the pregnancy after it's turned upside down ready for birth, then it CAN hurt.. kinda takes your breath away.. like if someone kicks a football to your chest...

Other than that... it kinda feels like... erm...

Have you ever tapped a jelly... and it goes boiiiinnnggggg.... yeah feels something like that...I can't quite describe it...

It's wonderful and annoying and funny all at the same time... these are the moments I treasure most ... and will remember for the rest of my life...I hope you get to experience this one day for yourself... it's just something I can't write about!

The pregnancy calendar says today for 270 days:

Is your partner prepared to take over your household duties? Help prepare him by writing a list of any phone numbers he may need and taping it by the phone:

-numbers for your doctor, midwife, and/or labor support person or doula
-your kids' pediatrician
-household repair people
-your mechanic
-grocery delivery service
-cleaning service
-veterinarian
-dentist
-any other medical specialists you use (dermatologist, psychiatrist, podiatrist, etc.)

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Gee... I'm not worried about phone numbers... Christopher usually takes care of those things anyway... and Mum will be here from the 6th of June to help with the household... I just gotta relax... *deep breaths*

My usual Sunday...

2005-05-30T13:11:00.000+10:00

Every Sunday Christopher plays indoor soccer at the Brisbane Indoor Sports Complex.. basically it's a 5 person team consisting of guys and gals... Most of the time it's hard to find chick players so there's only usually one chick to 4 guys on our team...Team's name is Wierdo... (don't ask)

I can't play cos of the unfair advantage in my belly... making it 6 people..

So I sit on the sidelines and cheer them on... and insult the other team... Christopher plays goalkeeper and he's one of the best in the league... Our team is not doing so well on the Championship ladder though... We're in 7th place... out of 8 teams... hahaha...

Today we played against Team Doughnut... and we were ahead by 1... till they scored in the last 40 secs or so.. and made it a draw... (damn!)

Baby has a good time at soccer too... I think it gets overly excited and starts kicking like its part of the match when I start screaming...

Took photos of the team today:

Here's Jonathan, Patrick and Christopher from left to right.. looking out for our players to come in:

Here's a picture of Luke getting ready for the game.. I call him the Hobbit... cos he's about that tall...hehhee :

And here is our most valuable player Rhiannon stretching before the game... she's really important cos she's the only chick player on the team at the moment! If she's not there then the guys play one player down... which usually results in a loss :

And no sport is without its injury... This is Anna and B... now cheerleaders due to injury to their ankles/ shins / knees whatever... Get off ur butts and come back quick!

Here's Christopher in action ... trying to save a ball before it gets in! (doesn't look that impressive does it?) :

But as of now... we need more chick players... SO... if anyone is interested please leave a message!!! Every Sunday at the Brisbane Indoor Sports Complex in Fortitude Valley!!

Baby wants to play too.. but I think we should just leave the kicking to Daddy for the moment...

Pregnancy calendar says today for 269 days in:

How you may be feeling:

"Like a dump truck."

"Like I'm doing nothing but waiting."

"I wish people would quit calling to ask if I'm in labor."

"One minute I want labor to start, the next I'm worried about labor and what I'll do with him when he gets here."

Self-care tip: To get some relief from your weight and aches, do plenty of hands-and-knees cat stretches and pelvic tilts. Soak in a warm bath, swim, or just float in the pool to take a break from gravity.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Warm baths are greaaaat... especially now that its getting colder with the winter months setting in... and I do feel like a dump truck... really heavy... BUT I'm savouring the final days of my pregnancy... just me and my baby and no one else...

Baby's Heartbeat!

2005-05-29T01:32:00.000+10:00

Sleep pattern is completely out the door.. I have lost concept of time and space.. trying to focus on happy thoughts following the disastrous couple of days..

I mentioned before in my posts about how amazing it is to listen to an unborn baby's heartbeat through something called the Doppler technology. What happens here is the doctor uses some gel on your tummy, the same one they use for ultrasounds and instead of a flatter probe they use for graphics this one is just a pen shaped probe and they run it over your belly till they hear the sound of the heartbeat... the sound comes out from a little speaker and everyone can hear it.. For those who have never heard this I've taken the liberty of posting this amazing sound of life for you to experience yourself...

Click here to listen to baby's heartbeat!

I remember when my hubby first heard this sound.. he was so moved..and the pregnancy became a reality for both of us... we heard the heartbeat before we saw the ultrasound pictures and only then did it sink in that this child is real...

Please do post a comment and tell me what you thought of the heartbeat!

268 days into the pregnancy calendar says:

Your baby is adding neural connections and growing hair and still gaining weight. Researchers have theorized that when babies are ready to be born, they send a chemical signal of androgens to the placenta, which increases the production of estrogen and leads to labor. If so, it's proof of the old saying that "only a baby knows when it's ready to be born."

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

So if only baby knows when it will be born.. then if I talk to it.. maybe it'll listen to me and wait for just a couple more days...won't you my little darling?

More discomfort...

2005-05-28T01:06:00.000+10:00

Today was the worst day in a long while... Still having that pain between my legs ...

Called up the Mater Hospital in South Brisbane today to get an appointment after the Medicare has been approved... and the lady was really abrupt with me... she wouldn't even listen to my plight when she said that they could not accept me into the hospital because their maternity ward for fully booked out for June deliveries for months! That hospital is 10 minutes from my house.. (not even 10 mins I think!) and she said to check with the Royal Brisbane Hospital or the Ipswich Hospital...

The Royal Brisbane is about 20 mins away from my place in the Northern direction... and their phone lines were even worse.. all I got was a machine telling me it would take about 2 weeks to send me a registration pack.. then they needed a referral from my local doctor.. check everything... THEN decide an appointment date... that of course would be okay if I WASN'T BLOODY GOING INTO LABOUR NEXT WEEK!!!!!!

So that left me with Ipswich Hospital... for those of you that don't live here.. Ipswich is a whole new DIFFERENT CITY! It's about an hour away... in Ipswich city out of Brisbane.. The lady on the phone was by far more helpful and sympathetic to my plight... the earliest appointment she could get me to see an obstretician however was June the 7th... and I'm due on the 9th... sigh... of course we can't really tell WHEN I'll go into labour... I could go past the 9th even... but the 7th is cutting it a bit close...I don't have a choice really... so I asked her what would happen if I went into labour before the 7th... and she said that I should get to the nearest hospital .. that they would HAVE TO take me in for an emergency labour if that was the case... but I would then be shifted out almost immediately after delivery to Ipswich where I would be booked in ...

All this undue stress of course is making me want to strangle something... someone... good thing is... my inlaws live 20 mins away from the Ipswich Hospital but I don't really want to stay there for days and days waiting for baby to come.. sigh..So from a hospital 10 mins away I'm now delivering all the way out in another city... ain't life grand...

Forgot to mention too with the bad things about pregnancy post before... one more thing you have to do regularly is to get blood tests done... so that they know if there is anything not quite right... went for another one today... at Annerley .. here's a pic of the technician drawing my blood:

I hate having my blood tests done... I stall for time all morning when I have to go and Christopher drags me out the door... I think the technician really took a deep one today... everything's really bruised... more bruised than any of my tests before:

Not happy. Not happy at all. I hope it goes away soon.. I'm having trouble flexing my arm..

Pregnancy calendar says for 267 days:

Your baby's development:

Size: Your baby is newborn size--anywhere from seventeen to twenty-three inches tall and from six to ten pounds or more.

Don't be too frightened if your care provider says that your baby is large. It's extremely difficult to judge a baby's weight from the outside.

I can't even get the baby weighed until the 7th.. sobs... I hate today.

Medicare...bureaucracy... and more crap

2005-05-27T00:12:00.000+10:00

Back to the Medicare office we went after all the hoo-hah about not having sufficient documents... and I finally got it... the lady was nice enough and really helped us through with everything... so now I can finally book myself in for the hospital through the public system and it won't cost me an arm and leg ... in fact I think it's free!

My body is beginning to shut down in the last days of the pregnancy.. I'm really exhausted easily and last couple of days have found that my lower area REALLY hurts...that's everything between my legs.. let's not get into details here but it feels like being kicked in the groin.. or you know that beam that them gymnastic girls get on... feels like I fell on it .. between my legs... .. yes. Wince all you want.. I can't comfortably get out of the car... stand on one leg or turn over in bed without feeling the pain... now I know how guys feel during an unfortunate accident of a football between their legs...

Doctor says it's just from the pelvic muscles and everything loosening up in there... that it should all be over soon...in the meantime.. Christopher's been doing a lot more housework.. cos I'm in no state most of the time... He cooked dinner for the first time in weeks!

Steak with grilled onions, zuchini, carrots and a side of creamy chicken & mushroom pasta... I have the best husband in the world!

And the pregnancy calendar says for day 266:

Are you still working? We understand that starting your leave early means less time with the baby, but even so, you may want to seriously consider starting your leave soon. If you sit all day, you could be plagued with back pain, hemorrhoids, varicose veins, swollen ankles, carpal tunnel syndrome, or all of the above. If you do a lot of standing or walking at work, your muscles will be easily and seriously fatigued as they strain to keep supporting your frame.

No more working for me... I'm even doing less housework I think ... I don't think I'm physically as able as I was 2 weeks ago...

Visit to the inlaws..

2005-05-26T10:40:00.000+10:00

I forgot to mention after the really intense morning and all.. with Medicare and going to the airport and the doctors... we actually went out to my in-laws place after in the evening... Dad made chicken parmagiana for dinner... it was yummy!

It was State of Origin night ... for you lot that don't know what that means.. it's a Rugby game between Queensland and New South Wales... neighbouring states who hate each other... basically what happens here is that most people dress in either Maroon for Queensland or Blue for NSW for that day... get drunk from about .. oh say.. 9 in the morning.. and wait for the game to start at 7:30pm and continue drinking after that... Christopher went over the boys place to watch the game and have a couple of drinks .. I opted to stay at home.. cos I was exhausted from the days events! Queensland won by the way (YAY!) 24-20...

Took a couple of pics of the home for everyone to see:

This is a pic of Dad's Volkwagon Beetle.. he's restored it.. and it's up for sale.. I think he'll sell it for about $3000...

This is a pic of what Dad goes to work in... he works in the construction industry and charges heaps of money to transport stuff for them:

And my brother-in-law Daniel got a free car.. someone decided to give him a Subaru Liberty for $0.00... he's fixing it up now.. and should have it roadworthy real soon... he's happy and maybe he'll stop stealing Dad's Holden S Ute!:

I love going to my in-laws place... one reason.. cos they're really nice and let me eat all their chocolate...and two.. cos the nature in that place is far away from the bustling city life... Mum's roses and growing really well too:

The next morning I made some Vietnamese spring rolls with that special rice paper...they must love me... I get to eat so many different stuff at their place! :

It's great having family here... I miss my own back home all the time.. and I'm so thankful that my in-laws are nice and give me that feeling of belonging to a family even though I'm so far away from mine....

Frantic preparations...

2005-05-26T10:10:00.000+10:00

We're nearing the end of Week 38/40 and more preparations are on the way... brought Jaclyn & Ben to Carindale Shopping Centre and let them roam around while we went to Medicare to get the card so we can deliver the baby in a public hospital... I got there and realized that I didn't have any photo id (silly blardy woman!).. and the lady at the counter said that all I needed was my passport..

Went to eat at the food court then brought Jac & Ben to the airport to catch their flight home.. it was really great to have them around... brought a little needed disruption to my mundane waiting-for-babys-arrival mood... had quick goodbyes cos we only had the car in the pick-up/drop off lane... I think they were a bit disappointed that their holiday was over... and it seemed to pass by in a flash!

Went home to get my passport... and back to the Medicare office where we were told we STILL had insufficient documents.. and I still needed my marriage certificate and Christopher's birth certificate before we would be issued with a Medicare card for me... I got so stressed out at the office and got really upset... so Christopher took me shopping to make me feel better...

Picked up the baby's car seat at Target! We set it up in the car and it looked really great! I love that sporty red... and it's a bucket seat for baby! We put Taz in it to test it:

And now the whole car matches... cos we got seat covers for the front to match the baby's car seat:

I feel a lot better now I suppose.. went to the doctor after shopping.. and she checked me up.. everything is fine...

I wish you guys could hear the baby's heartbeat... she puts a little machine and pokes my tummy with a pen like thing... and you can hear the baby's heartbeat... it's amazing.. I still remember the first time I heard it and it still takes my breath away when I hear it again...

Tomorrow I have to go back to Medicare..get my card then call the hospital and book myself in.. cos I couldn't do it before with public health assistance... crossing my fingers ... hope everything works out..

265 days into the pregnancy and the pregnancy calendar says:

Keep eating frequent small, nutritious meals, and if you think that your contractions may be the real thing, eat something. The calories will help fortify you for the job at hand. Also keep yourself hydrated with water, tea, milk, or juice. Avoid carbonated beverages, which can increase bloating.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

What I actually need now.. is a BIG pint of beer.

Jac & Ben's Visit Part III - Revenge of The Shit

2005-05-24T23:24:00.000+10:00

So after the adventurous day we had yesterday we had a little more subdued day today... Had an appointment with the immigration department today and the nice .. VERY nice officer told me that she would grant me my spouse visa once I've had the X-ray done after baby's born!

YAY!!! I get to be an Australian PR at last.. or one step closer to it anyway... now I can just relax and think about baby's birth... got to get to Medicare tomorrow and get my temporary card!

We let Jac and Ben roam around in the city while we were sorting out the immigration stuff and Christopher and myself had lunch at the hotel... I had chips with this honey aioli ... it tasted so good... baby agreed too.. at least that's what I thought all that kicking was about...

In the evening I let Ben drive the car to Mt. Cootha... my gawd.. I have no idea how he was granted a Singapore driver's licence... he was so nervous I felt like I was giving a driving lesson to a first time driver! I think he got spooked by how the road layouts are so confusing here.. a left can mean a real left and a left to the middle... I got so stressed out in the car while Ben missed the road entrance to Mount Cootha a grand total of about 4 times. The 20 minute trip turned out to be an hour long nightmare... And he is a lazy automatic driver!! What happened to the good old manual cars and people that love to drive them?? Ben cannot operate a manual car to do uphill starts and he nearly hit the car behind him when he didn't use the handbrake on the slope!!!

We finally got there and we nearly had to carry him out of the car cos his legs were so wobbly and then he bitched about how that was he worse driving experience ever in the world. Thank god the car was okay if not I'd be in BIG trouble with hubby... cos that's his first wife before me...

Had some hot chocolate with creme and marshmallows and sat under the heater and took some pretty pictures of the night skyline view:

Let's see what the pregnancy calendar says today:

Things to organize: For two to four weeks postpartum, you'll need more help than just your partner can provide, especially if he'll be going back to work soon after the baby's born. Finalize arrangements for someone who can cook and do chores to live in or drop in for several hours a day. If you have another child at home, you may also need additional babysitting help.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Christopher's got 2 weeks off when the baby's born... but mum's flying in to help me out and be my live in domestic help!!! I'm so looking forward to her arrival on the 6th of June... I just hope baby can wait for his grandmum to get here first!!!

Jac & Ben's Visit Part II

2005-05-23T19:44:00.000+10:00

Jaclyn & Ben are finally staying with me here in Brisbane after they spent the last 5 days in the Gold Coast... seems like they had a pretty good time.. here's a pic of them on my couch:

Picked them up from South Brisbane train station and brought them home.. then went to Tom’s Confectionary Warehouse in Hendra... People ... IT IS THE BEST PLACE IN THE WORLD!!! All different kinds of candies and chocolates and nougat and everything you can possibly imagine about sweets and confectionary... ended up spending $217.00 between the 4 of us this afternoon at this one sweet shop alone!!! You just want to buy EVERYTHING!! Here's some stuff me and Christopher bought:

Jac & Ben had to pack their stuff into a box to ship back on the plane! Like 5 1kg packets of nougat on top of all that chocolate! I'm taking everyone I know to this place!

Then we went to Sam's Seafood shop in Hamilton to buy some fresh oysters! Ben initially wanted to buy just one dozen.. ($6 each... bargain!) then we decided on 2 dozens instead... We got home.. ate them and we all concluded that we should have bought MORE! I could only have one... doctor's orders = ( No raw seafood for me... ~(>_<)~ And oh yeah... I was still polling the results on whether Ben's a good enough guy for Jac? I got the results.. and have concluded that he's not all there in the head. Really. He couldn't get a DVD out of its box. And he was so sure that all the chocolate we packed would melt.. when it's only 20 deg outside. I don't know how he went through uni. Really. Nice guy... but not all there... (Oo) Let's see the pregnancy calendar today for 263 days in:
Taking care of yourself

What you can do: Don't be tempted to try to induce labor with herbs or castor oil, no matter what it says on the Internet. Herbal supplements are unregulated by the FDA and can contain highly variable concentrations and unlisted ingredients. Their effects can be nonexistent, unpredictable, or dangerous, and no herbal supplement has been tested for safety for pregnant women by the FDA.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

I'm not going to even try to think about inducing labour... baby's gotta stay in there a while longer!!

The view from up here...

2005-05-22T17:51:00.000+10:00

I'm cooking dinner in the middle of blogging... just came back from visiting the in-laws... Mum saw baby wriggling in the tummy... she got so excited.. not long to go before she gets to hold her first grandchild.. I think they're more excited than we are..

Baby keeps kicking me in the bladder.. have to go to the bathroom all the time.. I think Christopher's getting tired of waiting for me outside the ladies room when we go out..

I decided to post a picture of the view from up here... cos I realised I can't even see my knees.. and that worries me... I can barely see my feet! Have a look at what I look at everyday...

No knees no feet no nothing... only baby sticking out of my belly... at least I haven't put on any weight anywhere else on my body... might make it easier to lose all that extra weight after birth!

Let's now go to the pregnancy calendar 262 days in:

What's happening to you emotionally: Next to the waiting, the uncertainty of when labor will begin is the hardest part of the third trimester. Your due date may very well come and go, especially if you're a first-time mom, and the current recommendation is that doctors wait at least two weeks after a due date passes before considering induction unless there's a medical problem.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Been talking to baby to stay in there a bit longer... just a little while more...

Week 38 Preparations

2005-05-21T20:33:00.000+10:00

Jaclyn & Ben are coming to stay for a bit when they come back from the Gold Coast and I'm preparing the baby room to accomodate them... finally cleared out most of the gunk from there I didn't need... Here's a pic of the cot... I decided to take out most of the toys hanging off it and wait for baby to actually fit in it before I fill it up with all the fun stuff:

Relly can't believe that I'm almost nearing the end of the pregnancy and will soon carry in my arms my child instead of my tummy! Christopher bought a little teddy bear for baby too... because he had one when he was born and he's always kept it.. and wanted the tradition to continue.. here's a pic of the teddy.. I call it "Chocolate" but I'll wait for baby to name it officially.. anything it wants..

It feels so unbelievably soft and cuddly... I wish it was mine = P

Here's what the pregnancy calendar says for Week 38 of 40:

What you might be experiencing: A whole lot of back and neck strain, lots of fatigue, and not much relief! You continue to add a pound a week and have an increasingly hard time getting around gracefully.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Heaps of back pain.. been sleeping a lot to counter the fatigue... and discomfort as baby is descending into the pelvis.. also described as 'dropping'. Not long to go now...

just a quick addition of acknowledgements..

2005-05-20T21:39:00.000+10:00

Hi everyone... I forgot to mention with the presents for baby from Charmaine and Jaclyn, Char also got a box of Precious Moments sweets just for moi!!.. came in the nicest little box.. which fell apart when i opened it (OOPS!) BUT I managed to put back together... had 3 flavours inside.. Mango, Melon and Strawberry.. It's going into my hospital bag to munch on after birth.. THANKSSSS CHAARRRRRRR!!!

Here's a pic:

I found it!

2005-05-20T20:38:00.000+10:00

So I got dragged out to watch Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith out at Indooroopilly Mall and I think the high definition surround sound scared the baby... it was trying to jump out of my tummy... It can hear everything now... and apparently recognizes the sound of voice.. so I better stop swearing or it'll be like that little kid from "Meet the Fockers" .... assshhh- huuuooolll..

While walking out we decided to drop in to K-Mart and lo-and-behold... found that perfect outfit to take my baby home in... I've been looking for one that I could possible bear to wrap my baby up in.. cos it's going to be the coolest baby walking out of that hospital and I just had to have the right look for it...

And here it is:

It's a nice cream/yellowish colour and the top is like a kimono type wrap with little ribbons and it's got the cutest baby Pooh characters.. Winnie, Piglet and Tigger of course.. It's a little romper pants so it'll be nice and warm.. and comes with a little beanie!

I luuuuurrve it so much... almost as much as the tigger suit..my baby's going to look so adorable!

260 days successfully... let's see what the pregnancy calendar says:

Size: The average newborn has a length of 21 1/2 inches and weighs 7 1/2 pounds.

Development: She is fully developed, though still adding connections between neurons in the brain (this continues well after birth). Her nails have been growing and now reach to the ends of her fingers and toes. Her movements are quite restricted by her close quarters.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Baby's developmentally ready now... and the reality of the new arrival is sinking in at a faster rate than before.. soon it will be the 3 of us... wow. It's kicking me now... in anticipation I hope.

Writing my birth plan

2005-05-20T12:04:00.000+10:00

So what exactly is a birth plan...I'm being told that I should have some idea of what I want during the delivery process and I can't exactly be concise grinching through my teeth in discomfort...so here are my requirements I suppose:

General Information

Expected Due Date: 9th June 2005
Child No: First Child
History of previous birth experiences: None to add to list
Chosen Place for Birth: Mater Mother's Hospital, South Brisbane
Chosen Support People: Christopher
Requirements of support people: Ensure that birth plan is carried out according to wishes... cut umbilical cord... and most importantly to let me squueeeezzzeee his hand when in pain... plus I wouldn't mind a back massage
Things that I DO require to happen: An epidural to be administered.. AND CONTINUALLY should contractual pain be unbearable...continuity of care... fetal monitoring...birthing positions to be decided by obstretician on duty as well as all examinations... invasive procedures only to be done as major necessity such as fetal distress
Things that you DO NOT want to happen: To see my husband pass out.
Postnatal Care Requirements: To be actively involved in nursing at all times, partner to remain in hospital..baby to be breastfed as first option

Labour

Wearing own clothes for as long as is possible: YES
Choosing whether or not to be a teaching patient: I have no idea what that means
Being permitted to return home if not in established labour: YES
Stating what foods/fluids you may or may not wish to be eating or drinking: YES (ice cream!)
The choice of external fetal monitoring during labour: YES
The choice of internal fetal monitoring: NO
The choice of monitoring fetal heart(s) by hand: YES
The freedom of choice of position and activity in labour: YES
Full discussion before a vaginal exam is performed: YES.. or i WILL kill the doctor on duty (had one before with the threatened miscarriage and it wasn't very nice)
Full information on benefits and risks of each and every procedure: YES (talk to my husband cos it will all sound like la-di-dah to me)
Full discussion on the need for artificial rupture of membranes: YES
Full discussion on the use and need of oxytocin to boost contractions or induce labour: YES
The use of a shower or bath for pain relief: YES
Full discussion on the preferred pain relief for labour: YES
Full discussion on the need for partner/support person(s) present at all times: YES, if he walks away I will shoot him
Choice of whether children to be present: ERm.. no other children
Interpreter available: YES to be able to translate gibberish and swearing

BIRTH

People to be present: Christopher at all times
People not wanted: The gingerbread man
People to be present and their roles explained during a caesarean birth: Christopher to stand there and look interested
The position/s for birth chosen by mother: If obstretician believes it is the best position
Pain relief for delivery: Epidural
No time limit on second stage if progressing normally: YES
Full discussion on the need for episiotomy: YES
Opportunity and the freedom to touch baby during birth: NO
Midwife to assist baby's birth: NO
The preference for female rather than male medical staff: Don't really care as long as they know what they're doing
The preferred choice that baby allowed to take first breath unaided, ie. no immediate suctioning: YES
Skin to skin contact for parents immediately after birth: YES
Full discussion on managed third staged, eg the choice of oxytocin administered immediately after birth to expel the placenta: NO, just get it out, I'll be too distracted with the baby to notice
Baby(ies) to the breast to stimulate expulsion of placenta: YES
The preference that baby be weighed and measured in parent's presence after initial bonding time: YES

POSTNATAL

Preferred that baby(ies) stay with mother at all times: YES
If one or more babies in NICU or SCBU, alternative caregiver and/or support person to be present when parents unable to be there: YES.. probably mum
The choice to breast feeding or not from birth: Breast feeding to be first option
Choice as to whether babies are fed singularly or double breast fed: erm... WHAT?
Immediate help with breast feeding on request: YES
Support on formula feeding if this is chosen, only supportive staff required at this point: YES
The choice of Vitamin K for baby (ies) - oral or injection: Eh?
Full discussion on circumcision : NO DISCUSSION, NO CIRCUMCISION
Choice of room preference: ONE preferably like the suite at the Marriot
Assistance with controlling visitor numbers: Nah... the more the merrier
Co-bedding if possible (two babies sharing the same bed): One heartbeat..one baby
Debriefing/reviewing of labour (what happened and why) : Do I have to?
Testing for zygoticity (fraternal or identical twins): I'll say it again.. ONE FRIGGIN HEARTBEAT
Discharge from hospital as soon as mother wishes: YES

Of course the actual delivery may be quite different from planning it from here.. but i hope everything goes well... *crosses fingers*

Let's see the 259th day comment on the pregnancy calendar:

In addition to waiting for serious contractions to start, be on the alert for the rupture of your membranes (water breaking). You'll have a lot of discharge now as your vaginal canal cleans and prepares itself for the big event, but your water breaking is usually hard to miss. It'll be a gush or a rapid trickle that smells like the ocean. Sometimes, but rarely, the fluid can leak out and seem like a heavy, watery discharge. Only one in ten moms experiences her water breaking before labor begins. If this happens to you, call your care provider right away, but don't panic unless you also have contractions. You may or may not go into labor immediately. If you don't, your care provider may wait for 24 to 48 hours for labor to start naturally and then will probably induce you out of concern for the possibility of infection.

No water breaking.. no bloody show... nothing... baby knows I'm not ready yet... just need you to stay in there for at least a week and half... please?

Jaclyn & Ben's visit

2005-05-19T12:41:00.000+10:00

Jac finally arrived here for holidays... I thought I'd wait till she came back from the Gold Coast to see her but I thought it would be nice to talk baby out for a walk in the city and show her around a bit...

Was late to come into the city (as usual.. it's kinda hard when you're 8 and 1/2 months pregnant you knoe) and had lunch at Nando's.. Amanda was there too and I got to meet Ben, Jac's boyfriend .. and interrogate him to see if he was nice to her... (I'm still polling the results)

Got some stuff from Jac.. and Charmaine's gift for baby too... I figured that baby should have something from each of it's godmothers...

Aunt Charmaine got a set of Precious Moments clothes for baby (yellow of course)... It's so adorable...with the little precious moments characters on the front:

Aunt Jaclyn got a Fisher-Price Peek-A-Block Giraffe toy for baby, and it plays this wonderful tinkling music when the blocks go through the Giraffe:

I'll let baby open it when it gets here... now we're just waiting for Aunt JUNE's present (hint) which will probably come when my mum gets here...

See baby? Everyone luuurvvvessss you...

Let's see what the pregnancy calendar says today for 258 days into the pregnancy:

What to do for the next three to five weeks: Keep your car filled with gas, and make sure you can always get in touch with whoever is designated to drive you to the hospital. Write down the phone number of a local taxi or ambulance service in case you go into labor when you're home alone. If you're impatient, take plenty of walks and keep swimming. The activity may or may not move things along, and you'll feel better. Stay rested, nourished, and hydrated to prepare for labor.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Okay... the plan is if I go into labour when Christopher's at work... I call the local ambulance service, then I ring the hotel where he works, and someone will take over for him and we'll meet at the hospital. Right. Okay. Got that. *nerves*

The cute things about pregnancy...

2005-05-17T21:13:00.000+10:00

So the horrible things I listed out before may have jolted the reality of pregnancy... but here are some good things about having a baby... BABY CLOTHES!!!

I lurveeee going shopping for them... and here's a tigger suit that I bought a while ago... I just couldn't resist.. this is a pyjama romper with a hood, so it's a body suit essentially and it's nice and thick and furry... just perfect for the upcoming winter season!

Isn't it adorable? I love hugging it... i think any baby would look soooooo cute in this...

And also in preparation for winter I bought some nice furry blue wool booties and mittens... And blue because we don't know what sex the baby is... and my hubby insists that a girl in blue is better than a boy in pink!

I think if I ever open my own baby store I'd make non-colour specific clothes... none of this blue for boy and pink for girl rubbish... how bout some FIRE ENGINE RED clothes!!! I reckon all the babies would absolutely rock in those colours!

Let's cross over to the pregnancy calendar for 257 days into the pregnancy:

How you may be feeling: As you approach your due date, you'll start to get frantic calls from well-meaning friends and relatives who just want to check and see if you're in labor yet. Of course, only five percent of moms deliver on their due date. Any care provider who can tell you when you're going to go into labor is lying or planning to induce you. Waiting for labor can make you feel discouraged. Make plans every day, go to the movies, walk outside, and enjoy the last few days of quiet.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright &copy; 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

I think the only person that's asking is SHER!!! Everytime she messages me it's "no baby yet?" STOP ASKING!

The bad things about pregnancy... just cold hard facts

2005-05-17T13:12:00.000+10:00

Okay ladies... so you've had a little peek at the exciting experience of pregnancy and maybe are considering how nice it would be to be in that position... but at the same time there are some negative side effects that we could certainly do without.. this has been my experience so far...

Now don't freak out from the pictures it will most certainly happen to you and you will be glad that to know you're not the only one...

Morning sickness - Can honestly say that I wasn't affected by this in the early part of my pregnancy, felt a bit nauseous at times but never really threw up...
Increased hair growth on the belly - Yes... you will start sprouting hair you never knew you had...
Increased Asthma - If you have asthma or are prone to wheezing at night, you are most likely to have asthma attacks, I have to take 2 puffers now (check with the doctor what is safe!) one in the morning and night and one when the attack happens
Breathlessness - Always running out of breath doing the simplest of things.. like cooking
Back ache - The back pain is UNBELIEVABLE. Really really hurts.
Stretch marks - Okay.. I took the liberty of putting up a shot of MY stretch marks... and believe me no amount of moisturizer helped.. it is believed that it is hereditary.. and my skin has always been really taut...

Looks pretty bad eh? They're supposed to fade after the pregnancy but will leave scarring.

soreness in the ribs - from being kicked really hard by baby
swollen ankles - i haven't got that yet... it's a sign of oncoming labour as well
funny sleep times - your whole sleep biological clock will go out of whack
Sciatic nerve pain - part and parcel of the back ache
Increased visits to the bathroom - baby's bouncing off your bladder, water retention is horrendous
Heartburn - Very uncomfortable... your whole chest feels really tight and burns up, may be countered with sitting up rather than lying down
No more walking up the stairs for you - take the escalator! you'll be glad you did!
Dreams - Your dreams become more vivid
Contractions - Pregnancy contractions during the 2nd trimester and early 3rd trimester feel like someone's stuck a pump into your tummy and is blowing you up till you're about to burst. Late pregnancy contractions are really quite different... it may feel like a dull backache and come in bursts (this is where you should start timing it and how far apart) or it could feel like a really bad menstrual cramp round the bottom of your tummy. This is considered "MILD" contractions and will get worse. When you get a "MILD" one you will start thinking whoever thought of calling that mild should be shot.

I suppose that all the above are worth it when the baby comes but it's not easy.. Can really take a toll on you... especially now that the emotional levels are gone through the roof!

Let's see what the pregnancy calendar says for 256 days into the pregnancy:

You may expel bloody show, also known as your mucus plug, at any time. This is a blood-tinged mass of mucus which has been covering your cervix for the past nine months. It doesn't mean that you'll go into labor right away-it can take as long as two to three weeks after bloody show before labor begins.

To add on to the facts of labour... I haven't had my bloody show yet... but that's a sign that baby's close.. everyone is different...

New hair cut...

2005-05-15T22:44:00.000+10:00

So I thought that I might want to look good at the hospital and not some raggedy new mum... made an appointment at the hairdressers and had a good wash on their massage chairs, had a layered cut and a nice blowdry... as well as a ceramic straightening... I want one of those ceramic hair straighteners! It's just $311.00 that I don't have!! Anyone wants to contribute to the "make-me-look-this-good-all-the-time" fund?

Hopefully I'll look good when I come out of delivery... till then I don't intend to take any pictures! But for now... here's a pic of what I look like now:

Let's see what the pregnancy calendar says today for 255 days into the pregnancy:

The hormone relaxin is causing all of the smooth muscle in your body to unclench. You'll feel like you have loose "rag-doll" joints. Even tall, fit women will start to get a waddling gait as ligaments soften. Inside, the smooth muscle layer of your uterus is flattening and relaxing to accommodate your baby's weight gain. You may have round ligament pains (sharp muscle cramps around the place where your bathing suit's leg holes would be) as these ligaments are softening and being pulled by the growing weight of the baby.
You're probably having Braxton-Hicks contractions, which you may or may not notice. How can you tell these contractions from the real thing? If you have to ask, they probably aren't. Real contractions grow progressively stronger, more intense, and more regular. They may start and stop in a series over a day or night before they get down to business. Use a timer to see how far apart they are and how long they last. If they become regular, let your care provider know.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

I have all the above... and it's starting to hurt... the fake contractions are really getting more intense now... and I have a dull back ache which could signify the start of early labour... I'm not ready yet... baby will just have to stay in there for a while longer...

Only 3 weeks and counting down...

2005-05-14T20:50:00.000+10:00

In response to everyone's drastic reaction of ..."holy crap" and other such similar lines to my previous posting of my tummy I've decided to post another one that may not scare the living daylights out of my readers...

Take note that the previous picture of my tummy was a close up... and this picture below may post a better view of what I look like from a little further off... taken by hubby..

See? It's not that bad... I'm not that huge? Am I? Well I don't think so anyway... so here's me in one of my favourite dresses since I became ... rounder around the tummy... from Portmans...

Okay let's see what the pregnancy calendar says today for 37 weeks into the pregnancy:

If your baby is a boy, his testes will have descended into his scrotum. While your baby could be born at any time, the longer she stays in, the more time she has to develop the connections in her brain in the pleasant peace and quiet of your womb. At this point, she can do all the things a newborn can, with the exception of breathing air and pooping in a diaper. Just as you're feeling stretched, your baby is being squeezed on all sides. Some of your antibodies are crossing the placenta, giving your baby's immune system some support for her first days in the world. If you breastfeed, you'll later be giving her immunities in your milk.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations; Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Peace and quiet of the womb eh.... if everyone stops going koochie koochie to my tummy it might get quieter....

252 days into the pregnancy and 3 weeks to go...

2005-05-12T22:03:00.000+10:00

Current weight: approx 70 kgs. (weighed at Big W, in Carindale shopping centre, home accessories section)... (oh.. and count the large BOOST! Watermelon sorbet juice thing I had prior)

Current height: shorter than everyone else now that I have to skip the heels completely.

Current pants size: Crap... i stopped measuring when it got past the size 14 stretchies.

Current feet size: ankles are NOT fat... thanks for asking...

Quick body check: Pulse okay, blood pressure okay, no vericose veins... bad stretch marks on the belly...(i really hate that)...back is about to break... increased asthmatic activity, 2 puffers for different time of the day...

Fetal movement: Regular, kicks mostly in the ribs, can feel head resting on pelvic area

Other activities: Peeing, every 45 minutes on average, or when baby kicks the bladder.

And here's a photograph: (WARNING: content may offend or leave viewer with nightmares)

We're taking bets on the gender of the baby, please feel free to bet. ($10 minimum)

Pregnancy calendar says today:

Some women report going into an intense and obsessive nesting phase in the hours before labor began-cleaning out closets, sorting socks, or baking cookies with a zombie-like intensity. If you find yourself doing this, double-check that your bag is packed while you're at it!

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

MMM.... cookiesssssssss......

The hospital bag checklist...

2005-05-12T14:40:00.000+10:00

So everyone's telling me I gotta pack my bags for my hospital stay cos the baby could be here at ANYTIME... and I got a list of stuff that I've checked off...and the pregnancy calendar also says today:

If you'll be breastfeeding, you'll want to stock up on nursing bras and shirts that button down the front (or are specifically made for breastfeeding). This is a particularly good time to buy nursing bras, since your breasts are about the size they'll stay for the duration of your nursing experience. Make sure that your bras fit well, don't itch, and are made of natural, breathable materials (synthetics may cause a rash!).

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

So here's a list of stuff I got...

Socks... hmm.. one fire engine red wool sock.. 1 pink striped toe sock and one blue striped toe sock with a picture of a monkey.. check...
Nightgown... check...
Lip balm... check...
Lollies... going off to buy now...
Books or magazines.. just bought the Da Vinci Code to read... check
Slippers... check
2 nursing bras... check
underwear... check
toiletries like toothbrush and soap.. still packing .. (i'm still using them you know!!)
Hair accesories.. to still look like a glam queen after birth.. check
Makeup... check
clothes for going home... my favourite light blue dress.. need to iron
maternity pads... check
massage oil... check
massager or tennis ball to ease back ache... get my hubby to do that... check
portable cd player... check... (i want an ipod!)
camera... coming soon..
telephone numbers for annoucements... bah... everyone can wait
change for public telephone.. check (finally a reason for all that change)
light snacks for partner... bah.. he can starve...
baby clothes for trip home..still deciding what to bring... ( i want my baby to be the coolest one out of there)
baby blankies... check
diapers... check
car seat.. still paying it off...

Bag's already full... i hope someone else is carrying it...

Eureka!

2005-05-11T14:27:00.000+10:00

Following my previous post... I may actually have an idea of what that tapping is... I read in the pregnancy journal book that I have that it may actually be... A HICCUP!

That's right ladies and gentlemen... a HICCUP.

Great. Just great. I'm going to give birth to an incessant hiccuping baby.

Oh got the digicam to work... here's a picture of the stroller:

I can't wait to go shopping some more...

Let's see what the pregnancy calendar says for 250 successful days into the pregnancy!

If you're aching (and we don't see how you couldn't be), indulge in a pregnancy massage from a professional masseuse, or find a pool, and take a swim. At home, try sitting on an exercise ball (also known as a birth ball). This will take pressure off your back because it forces you to sit straight and with good balance, using your legs to support and stabilize you. This is good practice for labor.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Like I said, I'm immune to the pain... Just one numb mother to be now...

That incessant tapping...

2005-05-10T09:59:00.000+10:00

Okay.. I wanted to describe in this journal every little thing I felt... but this has to take the cake. My unborn baby has this annoying habit of tapping. I still have no clue about what it's doing but every single day at least once when I'm sitting quietly, watching tv or resting I feel this tap in my tummy.

Have you ever seen a bored person drum his or her fingers on the table? It feels like that. The same beat, the same rhythm, different places in my tummy everyday. But the same feeling.

It annoys me more not knowing what my baby is doing... here's a dialogue of what happens...

tap (1 second break)...
tap (1 second break)...
tap (1 second break)...
sound my voice telling baby to stop it...
silence...
(5 second break)...
tap (1 second break)...
tap (1 second break)...
me moving my belly...
silence...
(3 second break)
tap (1 second break)..
tap...

and ... you get the picture...

If I don't find out soon I think I'll go nuts.. then again I may never find out... but here's a list of suggestions of what I think it's doing:

1. drumming its fingers cos its bored
2. playing air guitar
3. playing the drums with my organs
4. playing with its umbilical cord like a whip
5. singing a song and trying to keep a beat

Let's see what the pregnancy calendar says today:
Your belly button is becoming flattened or may even stick out like a wine cork. You may feel a lightening sensation on your ribs and organs as your baby descends into your pelvis. Breathing and eating will be easier, but you'll be running to the bathroom more often than ever, and the change in pressure may cause shooting pains in your groin and leg.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Belly button is a bit flat.. but not sticking out thankfully.. and the bathroom breaks are severe.. like average every 45 minutes... i think I'm immune to pain, I can't tell the difference anymore..

Mother-to-be day

2005-05-08T21:44:00.000+10:00

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in the world... It's a happy mother-to-be day for me as I hold this child still in my womb. I love this child so much, even though I've never seen its face nor has it seen mine.

I guess I am ready to be a mother, and bring this child into the world but at the same time I want to shield it forever inside, away from the pain of the world that we live in.

You can never be closer to anyone other than a growing child inside your body. You cannot hug a person closer and you cannot love a person any more that when you have life living off yours, needing you to survive every single day. I cannot cuddle this child yet, but I feel it as much as it feels me and I hope it loves me as much as I do, because this child is perfect in my eyes and I am unblemished in its.

The pregnancy calendar says today:

As women in the grocery store may have already told you, you look like you could go any minute. And they might be right-your due date just suggests a time when the baby's likely to be born. In reality, you could go into labor any time between now and six weeks from now!

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Baby could be here anytime... but its already here... with me.

Contractions..

2005-05-07T21:13:00.000+10:00

Contractions are getting more regular... well.. the fake contractions anyway... they call it the Braxton-Hicks contractions... kinda hard to describe it.. but it feels as though baby's sprawled out in all directions... and you get really breathless. Sometimes it gets really intense and I have to squeeze something.. usually Christopher's hand or any part of him I can get my hands on...

Wanted to post some new pictures ... but the digital camera I have sucks BIG TIME and something's wrong with it at the moment... so no pics of the new stroller/pram my mother in law got for us... Layby was finally paid off and we took it home and assembled it... can I just say... for a baby product.. and all baby products in general... anything that requires assembly sucks ass. It's complicated and don't ever lose the manual. I had an issue with the cot assembly, the rocker assembly, the pram/stroller assembly... begeezus, I've had an easier time assembling a queen bed frame.

Let's see what the pregnancy calendar says today for 247 days into the pregnancy:

Has your baby's movement slowed down? If so, you shouldn't worry. Five to ten percent of all mothers report that babies start to slow down as they grow larger and get more cramped for space. Still, you should be able to feel your baby move more than ten times a day. If you're concerned, try drinking a sweet beverage, such as orange juice, and then lying on your side for a while. Most babies will wake up and start to move. If you're still concerned, contact your healthcare provider.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

I WISH baby's movement slowed down... it's throwing a fit in my tummy while I'm writing this! Blah.. doctors... what do they know...

Another day in Week 35/40

2005-05-04T18:52:00.000+10:00

Still counting down the days... 244 days today.. Baby's still as active. I wonder what it's thinking in there, whether or not it knew its fate that it had to eventually make it out into our world. I almost dread that thought.. that I can protect it in my body anymore. But Christopher can't wait to hold his child and I'm being selfish wishing it would stay in there.

Christopher went to pick up some baby stuff from Aunt Emma's today.. we got a change table with an inbuilt baby bath, reality further sinking in that it is almost time for me to meet my new addition. Got a Winnie the Pooh bouncer and a car seat too to put in my mother in law's car... I expect to see them all the time with the birth of their only grandchild. So far anyway. Here's a couple of pics of what we got today.

Napped in the afternoon with baby against Christopher's back constantly tapping its daddy. Hey if baby keeps me awake I expect Christopher to make the same sacrifice.

Here's an extract of the Pregnancy Calendar for today:
What's happening to you emotionally...If you have other children, you may feel guilty about the sacrifices they will have to make to accommodate the new baby. No matter how many children you have, each new baby is a leap of faith that the sacrifices will be worth it.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

Again... no other kids to sacrifice to accomodate my first born, maybe only my dearest silliest hubby Christopher. He's only 7 mentally this year, can't push it. =)

243 days into the pregnancy

2005-05-03T18:11:00.000+10:00

I sat quietly on the lounge sofa... staring at the bulging ball I called my tummy. I think it felt me watching.. my unborn child... and quietly reciprocated by responding ever so slightly to the warmth of my palm. Its little arm or foot protruding under my skin.. telling me it was okay. We had this silent conversation as minutes passed, after which it got bored and moved away from my hand.. and kicked on the opposite side. I'm glad it didn't aim for my ribs again or the bladder, I didn't think I could move quick enough to the bathroom.

My weight is currently 68kgs and slowly gaining through the last days of the pregnancy as it grows. It's harder to move around and the lethargy sinks in as the erratic sleep patterns continue.

My in-laws came over during the Labour day monday, had a nice lunch through which Mum proceeded to pile me with more baby preparations stuff and lectures about how I need to pack my bag for the hospital. Since the gender of the baby was still unknown, Mum got it into her head to do the "wedding ring" gender prediction test.

How it works:

Get your wedding ring and a piece of thread. Dangle the ring with the thread over the pregnant subject and watch the movement of the ring. If it moves in a circular motion you're supposedly having a girl. If it rocks forward and backward, you're expecting a boy.

So here I am, pregnant, heavy and spine about to fall apart, lying flat on the living room floor with my mother in law dangling my wedding ring over my mountainous bulge and excitedly convincing herself the ring is moving in a circular motion. My father in law proceeds to give me the "humour her.. she's an old lady" look while Christopher delves into an explanation of physics, momentum and gravity and thrashes Mum's theory of gender prediction. Meanwhile I hoped someone would help me up soon before my back broke.

Here's an extract of what the Pregnancy calendar says today:
If you have other children, this can be a poignant time, because it is the last few weeks of being a family in the way that you're used to. It can seem hard to imagine that there will be enough of you to go around, and you may wonder if it will ever be possible for you to love a new baby as much.

Reprinted with permission from Great Expectations: Your All-in-One Resource for Pregnancy & Childbirth. Copyright 2004 by Sandy Jones, MA and Marcie Jones, MA. Used with permission from Barnes & Noble Books, an imprint of Barnes & Noble Publishing, Inc.

I don't have another baby to love, this one has my heart.

The birth of bloglet

2005-05-02T22:21:00.000+10:00

Pregnancy does strange things to you... You start thinking about things you've never thought of before and people you've forgotten over the years... and not to mention the erratic hours, the constant energy sap... and the sudden bursts of spring cleaning obsessions. So this is an account of the countdown.. the last couple of days of waiting and anticipating.. and massive kicks.